This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-12-28 14:57:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Adam Screwed Us All

There’s a fire born in souls each day infancy pure creates purpose for all are born with sin. Flesh pales midst years of fails. God of blessings bless back bone to prevail the marvelous journey of living in sweet gardens along life's trail. Shadows of past need not reach out and grasp precious time from today. Spirits that look back or wake to mornings of black fall stand furiously trying to break down the walls. Damned people speak ugly tales freedom gusts push within to sail. Through the thickest of walls the ship has sunk to the level of believing a kind heart is weak. A kind heart with pureness born within is a strong heart that banks on putting more strength back in.

Copyright © December 2010 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-01-02 10:47:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Deni I guess the metaphor of modern trials and humanity being thrown out of the garden is an apt analogy. That Eve gets away scott free is disillusioning (except we all know that the bible says “eve was deceived”, “adam was not deceived” so greater guilt is attached. That the kind heart is viewed as insoluble, is an amazing addition to your poem. Not only because there is truth to this, in a very troubled world, but also because it characterizes the fall to begin with. Adam and Eve were not banished because they sinned; they were banished because God understood the domino effect of that sin; as witnessed by the next “sin” of Adam and Eve lying directly to God. God understood the party was over. Personally I believe that had they been repentant when directly confronted by God, the experiment may have continued in the Garden. Back to your piece; “Spirits that look back or wake to mornings of black fall stand furiously trying to break down the walls “there you have it. Regret and perspicacious behavior is not forgiveness and repentance. Anyway, an interesting piece to consider this new years


This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-12-28 17:52:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni, I enjoyed reading this philosophical poem. You have written some profound and thoughtful lines which beg to be pondered. I like the ending which is uplifting. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
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