This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-01-06 18:09:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Forest

I took a walk beside a forest brook and saw how nature paints a perfect scene it steals my breath away each time I look, like wings of breeze that sweep the water’s sheen. I shade my eyes against the sun so bright and smell the fragrant pines and mossy floor that fades the hooves of deer in quiet light. I watch the trees that sway and feed my core with lacey shawls of leaves that dance on air. The sparrows little chirp is heard aloft where angels sing in heaven’s cloud and stair, while beads of silver dew are jeweled soft. The forest whispers scatter ebbing rays that gleam and promise tendrils dark as night, while feathered owls rejoice that sunny days are gone, their nightly tone is rhymes delight. I stand beside the brook and hear the sounds amidst the pebbles sprinkled here and there, its tenor calms my soul as love surrounds while chiming ripples sing a little prayer. The forest taught me beauty can’t be bought like emerald fog or lavender mist. It lives in nature’s truth and silent thought where folds of night and streams of sun exist.

Copyright © January 2011 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 19:39:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, this is an easy read with unforced rhymes that move the reader down the page with grace. The images and sounds you have created here bring me right into the forest and remind me of my favorite place to be - in nature. You have written so many wonderful phrases I can't pick only one as my favorite...I really like "the forest whispers scatter ebbing rays", "wings of breeze", "leaves that dance on air", "chiming ripples" and "where folds of night and streams of sun exist". Actually I like the entire poem...nicely done! Mandie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:18:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ms.Smyth, Best I've read so far this month: 8. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-02-02 10:14:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Cheyenne, there are things that move me. I am a nature person- walks in the forest, wathicng the ocean pound home or whisper- seeing mountain ranges looming over prairies- and in your piece here I could feel a remarkable empathy for those moments. you have placed the reader deep into the beauty the “rhymes delight” of those who understand the precious and perspicaciousness of the wonder. A very fine piece to begin my morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-16 08:22:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Inspiring poem Cheyenne. Once again the reader has gone with you to a simple place and found the beauty with your written words. You excel in imagery, rhyme and meter and in this one the message is so clear. Beauty can't be bought is very true. No where, no price, nothing as this soul refreshing place can be packaged and sold. So many lines stand out - from verse to verse - I would have to copy/past the whole poem which is not necessary to show you how much I loved this write. Every verse is tight, well thought out from beginning to end. Nice way to start my morning with a calming write as your visuals are tranquil and peaceful. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-01-16 00:14:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I like the beginning three lines but the fourth just doesn't fit. While "wings of breeze" and "steals my breath" both invoke an air, it feels contrived to fit in "sheen." In the second stanza, the juxtaposition of "sun so bright" and "quiet light" needs more time to develop. The same for why the swaying trees does in fact "feed your core." The reader needs more to sense that nature is in deed feeding your "core." Perhaps moving the stanza that begins "with lacy shawls of leaves that dance on air." to the second position would keep the air developed with the "breeze" and "breath" in the first. I do like the "with lacy" line; well crafted. I do not like the "jeweled soft" as it doesn't sound soft at all. Overall I enjoyed it, but I feel if you focused more on a sense such as touch, sound or sight in each stanza it would convey with more force why "The forest taught me beauty can’t be bought." There are "jewels" of lines "sprinkled here and there" that I think could be further expounded upon to get the point across.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-01-15 17:58:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, I could of written this of my appreciation for nature and how it fills me up. Same as this wonderful piece. Like a painting I see in my mind's eye. So lovely so grand a holy place it is. thank you..... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-01-09 05:48:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Simply a delectible poem, your imabics are spot on giving this that lilt that dances the reader through your lines with ease. The gentle rhyme makes for a soft and gentle read making this a pleasure to read. Bravo poetess this is an excellent work. Lora
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