This Poem was Submitted By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-01-15 23:38:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Where with all, one, and not a second soon I travel out to greet the coming moon. She beat me though, a thousand years before I’d ever set sight on her silvered shore; Where she had threaded alabaster waves With silken foam; chained together, her slaves Moaned a quiet roar beyond Past’s silence, Past the stars, and Future’s bright opulence.

Copyright © January 2011 David Keesey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 21:09:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
David, You must let me know sometime what format you are using in your poems. It works very well. It is not easy to capture rhymes within formal syllable structure, yet when one reads your work it seems as though you do it with ease. This is a beautiful poem. The imagery vivid and fantastical. So many delicious phrases it is impossible to pick a favorite. I read in awe and am inspired. Well done my friend, well done. Mandie

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-06 17:18:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi David, This is a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. You have so many great phrases that I would need to copy the entire piece to tell you which one I like the best. You have made excellent word choices and the flow is even. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2011-02-03 14:05:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
David; The imagery in this is outstanding! Such rich visions flood the mind as I read. I'm a big "fan" of the goddess, myself. The rhyme is smooth, not forced. The only thing that literally "tripped" me was the change in meter in line 6. You've strayed from a smooth pentameter, and I found myself "stumbling" a bit there. Otherwise a most enjoyable and visual read!! Especially love "threaded alabaster waves," very refreshing!! Blessings; Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-01-29 13:54:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Having spent much of living in admiration of she who rules the night, I find any piece that substantiates her value to be of value itself. That the “Goddess” predated you by a thousand years is the perception gained from all who gaze towards her offering. The use of “chained” for waves and oceans controlled by the moon is innovative. “Greeting the coming moon”, now there is a pleasure I understand.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-01-27 09:26:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
David, I like the feel of this, the essence that you speak about and the mystical truths. I see that you are using punctuation rules that usually apply to prose-- A little less punctuation, using line breaks to make your statements stand out in this free verse poem would be a plus and definitely make this a poem that stands out raising it to a higher level. A most enjoyable poem, one that deserves to be read over and over. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-17 02:00:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hello David - I like the mythological title you've chosen for your poem. Anunit instantly comes to mind. Your poetic style with rhyming and refreshing imagery stand out in this piece. This is thought provoking and one can draw a portrait of emotions in this post. Magical, mysterious and very well done. You have a reason for using a capital P with Past's silence, and F with futures but the reason isn't clear to me. I hope you enlighten me with your reply to my critique. You have been gifted with a natural ability to write and I look forward to reading more of your work. blessings, Deni
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