This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-01-21 16:12:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Waves

once I thought I knew the sea with its avalanche of foam I never knew the sea it knew me I heard the thunder drop on turquoise waters so deep with sighs that passing winds made waters swirl all my dreams  seemed to trickle  to the sand that held echoed memories of regrets long since forgotten seabirds with their ebony stare lingered at dawn as the ocean shuddered with each new sway I felt its waves swallow the rue of my footsteps it was then I knew the sea heard my quickened breath and left me alone  to remember my pain

Copyright © January 2011 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 21:57:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, This is an interesting piece. It seems to swell and fade as the waves in the ocean might. I stumbled a couple times but it may just be me being tired and not altogether here. I'm not sure about the placement/introduction of the seabirds, it seems out of place, though they come with the sea i suppose. just my preference I think i would leave those two lines out as they don't seem to add to your overall story. Just my humble opinion...However, as usual I enjoyed reading your writing. Thanks for posting. Mandie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:22:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ms. Smyth, Comparable to your other one, maybe a tad below: 7.5 MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-01-27 09:40:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, This is such a deep and thoughtful piece, so eloquently written with excellent verbiage and word smithing that only come from an accomplished pen. Upon first blush it is soft and has that "calgon take me away" affect however on closer inspection it is so much more. You show the connectiness of all life and how in owning that each componet recognises and respects the other. Kudos, superb. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-01-23 21:21:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, I like the Title. It holds many metaphors by itself; all dependent on the readers point of view. S1 – being one who adores the ocean; my first love, the song in my heart, I believe I understand “it knew me”. Many times understanding has come from its whispers and dedication to the shore. I find solace in stanza 1. S2 – the thunder, of temperate waves cedes the joining with wind and song. In Cuba, the ocean was turquoise in many places. Here ( and I wonder what ocean you are looking at) it is more the deep blue or translucent blue. S3 – we see the dreams. Only the sky can hold bigger dreams than the expanse of the sea. Thousands of sand, the cognizance of the sea hitting shore- “echoed memories”. the ocean does indeed recall “regrets long since forgotten”. If not the ocean, then whom? S4 – I like the image of the dark seabird eyes, and the metaphor from it of an uncaring stare. The morning ocean “shudders” in its speech and action, with renewing waves “sway”, of dedication. S5- Feelings; this is about the filing and recalling of feelings. The ocean draws a power from within, by its permanence. In a way; of white noise and constancy; it may leave one “alone” while always being there when needed. I enjoyed the read; and the recall that you brought from yourself and me.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-23 08:58:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
A beautiful and haunting write Cheyenne with ocean mysteries that are so thought provoking. Love the first verse where you write the ocean knows you. Unique and great beginning to this poem. You have keen instinct to take the good with the bad and put it in poetic form with imagery that stands out. avalanche of foam turquoise waters so deep with sighs Third verse has reconciliation leaving pain behind and moving on. seabirds with their ebony stare - outstanding! the sea heard my quickened breath and left me alone to remember my pain - tight ending that pulls the first line to the last - because the "Ocean" knows you Enchanting and on my list for Jan. blessings, Deni
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