This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-01-27 19:00:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Integrating Night and Day

                             All parts of a whole                              As darkness aligns,                              Now paralyzed soul                             Goes into the night.                            Searching for meaning                           Somewhere in this world;                            Yet   finding  nothing                           As round she was twirled.                          So    riddle     me      this -                         For  you    who   know  peace;                          What's  the    point    of    bliss,                          Knowing    you're     a    beast?                           For darkness   can’t hide                            What   shadows  reveal.                            Horrible deeds,  lies                             Will never   conceal.                             To step into light                             And know life anew                            Burning away night’s                            Unforgiving        view                          Takes courage and might                          That alone can’t be done                           But   all  parts   in  time                            Together  will come                             To have realized                            It’s better as one                            Whole being united                           Than each part undone. 

Copyright © January 2011 Mandie J Overocker


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:21:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, I give this a 6. I don't mean to offend, but the system requires critiques for voting weight. And I have neither the time nor perhaps ability to give in depth critiques. With my humble apologies, this will have to do. MSS


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-02-02 12:46:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
A very introspective view Mandie. The observers form written into your words adds to the mystery and questioning that comes in the verse. “Takes courage and might”, is synonymous with living in general. “The whole being united”, is a pristine algorithm, to a tempestuous image. I find myself staring at your last two lines to put together a buffer between promise and actuality. this piece made me think a lot. Also, after “peace, bliss” one comes to beast. Maybe that question mark where the nipple would be is unplanned, but it works. This is a very well done piece. Thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-01-30 16:18:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
The round trip of this work is good but I'm left wondering who or what is the paralyzed soul. The beast and bliss feels disjointed. The summation at the end is well worded but I am left wondering what now knows it is better to be whole. The rhyme scheme is unique and adds to the piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-28 00:14:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
I pray a paralyzed soul takes courage with others and realizes a whole being is possible, for what has been broken can be repaired. You've done a good job with this post. The structure is off but I've had that happen to me too while trying different ways to enhance some poems. Deep reflective thoughts that surface that help turn a page forward while closing chapters we wish never happened. All in all the message is clear with hope ending this write "It's better as one, whole and at peace with past haunts. blessings, Deni
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