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"Were You Ever . . .?" My tear-filled eyes Blink back the lies In cloudy haze Memory fades Kernel of truth You can uproot No solace brought To broken heart Single remark Question so dark Disgusting sights Besiege the light Inside my mind No peace to find Fighting against Reminiscence Why did you ask? I want my mask I need to hide And save my pride My eyes squeeze shut Look away I must Disgust and shame My guilt they frame I’m shutting down Won’t look around You cannot make Me safely break My wall of fear You can’t get near I won’t give in To die again So leave it be No need to see The hopeless case Found in this place Question no more My head is sore Horrible sights Be gone tonight |
Additional Notes:
It is a bit on the darker side, for that I apologize...just one of those poems written from an experience. Thought about titling it "Flashback" but chose the beginning of the question that spawned the experience to begin with.
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-08 00:00:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I am not afraid of the dark. I like the shortness. Succinct and poignant to say too much. It almost reads like am early 80s punk song. This would go well with some Ramones playing in the background. It's on my list. Considering there is so much natural rhyme I think it needs it throughout. The weaker rhymes, while not forced take it down a bit. Kindest regards.