This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 16:24:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Underneath the Mask

Darkness consumes the depths of the soul As depression begins to ease its way in. Motivation escapes, the will just deflates - Desire has gone to the wind. Lack of energy grinds everything to a halt; There’s no moving forward or back. Muscles have frozen and so they betray As the body comes under attack. No will to live, no desire to die -  Floating aimlessly in limbo. Mind shutting down -   Where did she go? Lost in space, numb and frozen, Paralyzed, lack of emotion. What will it take? How will she make It out of this position? Sleep promises escape into fairy tale lands; While reality marches on anyway. The body rests, the mind recoups Until she awakes to face a new day. Depression un-lifted, darkness still surrounds. She pulls on her mask so all can see - That she is â€œhappy” and doing â€œokay” Instead of living in misery.

Copyright © February 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-07 22:31:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I have so much to say to this piece and so little time. I must return to the hospital for a family member- it has been so all month; yet this piece, I have read many times. Sleep, depression, fairy tale dreams. I had to leave you with this, and also your piece about the sweet outdoors- you have a feel to your verse that explores many regions many ignore. I appreciate the journey.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-02-27 10:50:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Mandie, you've certainly described depression in a full blown state of mind. You've included all the right words - feelings, emotions, understanding this disorder is not left out of this poem. It's not your usual style of creating more visuals it's more statement like written - and any reader can benefit from learning, yet at the same time feeling what depression is like. blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-02-20 15:42:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, I'd be interested why your in misery? There could be a poem there. Her mask is showing she's ok and happy. How sad. Why wear the mask. Wallow through it ... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-14 12:05:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie, It goes without saying that the emotion is profound in this poem. I was glad to see it has an uplifting end which speaks of hope not previously felt. You have chosen you words carefully but I think you might work more on the rhyme scheme. In the first verse there is no rhyme as in/wind isn't true. The next two quatrains have an excellent rhyme scheme but the third line deviates with the use of emotion/'s the 's' in position that trips you up...a word like 'potion' works better in my humble opinion. You last verse rhyme with see/misery is fine. These are just my thoughts for you to use or lose. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-02-08 19:24:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Whoa, this is definitely a heavy duty indepth look at depression, and in such a nice poetic form you've detailed it right down to the very last fact, and yes--the mask that is hidden behind until--. Excellent choice of words and a good flow made for a smooth read with this well penned write. Lora
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