This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-02-08 19:18:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Casual Witness I watch like a voyeur
His feet strongly planted
apart in resolute
surrender
Fumbling fingers
savor sacred beads
silently
His desolate face
searches tumultuous sky
a pleading, a prayer
My curious eyes fixed
The sea’s white caps
belch, roaring, rolling
over bare feet as if—
a petulant child, intruded
on sines blue white
sacrosanctity
only retreating
as man’s salted drops
mingle with water’s flux
The rosary breaks caress
free falling thru fingers
to ride on waves pull
binding man and sea
in an unspoken
Christening
I sigh in echoed reverence
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Copyright © February 2011 Lora Silvey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-07 22:28:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An unusual piece with quiet power to it. The "voyuer" portion- of a man of god, is a asbstract as it is solid epithany.
I wondered throughout if there is a secondary theme, that of being drawn to a religious man, as a woman or as a person.
Christening, there is a common thread even the resistors pause for. I enjoyed the view you showed, I could find myself there, with you; and him.
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-26 09:01:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35294
A very visual and sensual piece. There are many lines that roll off the tongue, almost dripping with thick alliteration, like "Fumbling fingers savor sacred beads silently." The flow of the piece mimics the ocean's waves. It is as if the narrator isn't a "casual witness" but one more captivated by the senses expressed. Only the final "sigh in echoed reverence" brings one to the point of casualness. Even the beginning line juxtaposes the title with "I watch like a voyeur." The imagery is such that the narrator could be Rachel Ward watching Richard Chamberlain. The tense sensual feelings evoked are pure poetic passion. Well done. Kindest regards.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-02-21 18:28:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora,
I like everything but the rosary and it's implications. [catholic/I was raised catholic]
The establishment of church as a business comes into that.
I find the total value of man and sea and his introspection
of most value. An emotion of godliness and respect for nature is good.
Being native american, it always surprises me when church enters the picture.
Your writing is enjoyable at that.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-11 20:42:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora,
I am amazed at your talent to bring to life this man in his moment of reverie. The cadence and rhythm of this is superb and seamless. I was right there with you, watching him mindlessly, or mindfully should we say, caress the beads until they fell to the water with his tears. Your writing seems effortless, this is one of my favorites so far this month.
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-09 15:53:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Lora,
You are like a master at free verse and your poetry is always enjoyed by me. I like the words you chose and how you arranged them...makes for an easy flow. So much melancholy in this well written poem and the imagery gives me a perfect mind picture of this man. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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