This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-12 00:15:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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To those inside Who live the lie This urgent plea I make to thee Release the shame Of deadly games Nothing to gain From holding pain To you they lied Brainwashed and tied You up in knots You never fought Threats have no base And there’s no case In which you need Their words to heed Please find a way In night and day To learn to trust And then adjust Your frame of mind Leave lies behind Promise safety To him and me No need to fight Come to the light Find peace therein And hope within

Copyright © February 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-24 15:19:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Mandie, You are so right there is nothing to be gained from holding on to our pain. Poetry is a good way to let it out from the darkness and understand why one feels the pain in the first place. A good rjyming poem with an excellent message. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-14 23:42:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I like the beginning but it falls short towards the end. I think this may be the weakness of such short rhymes. The theme is one I am now familiar with when it comes to reading your works. I would like to see something else. Call me fickle but that is how I feel. It loses punch after "Threats have no base." I think punctuation would not be a hindrance either. I find punctuation to be a strong proponent of timing and rhythm. I like the punch and staccato feel of the piece but it should end will more of a stick or period than a whimper.
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