This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-14 12:13:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Still Wonder When dawn shatters night
I surrender to sublime awakenings
drink of stillness
smooth my empty bed
Beyond the window clear
polite pebbles of rain
fall on sightless trees
peaceful is their quietude
they lure me and brighten my languor
I’m bewitched as dawn
gives birth to sounds
of trilling birds,
distant hounds barking
and siren’s solitary wail
Sun peeks above horizon’s brink
making sense of gentle hues
from primrose to maize
peeking between cracks of dawn
As my day begins
night dreams cause me to pause
Will I see another sunrise?
Is this birth or death,
or is it more divine
to wonder still?
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Copyright © February 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-03-02 19:01:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
cheyenne,
Another wonderful piece here filled with vivid imagery and written with such a dream-like context - perfect for the content. You are a master at creating a scene and the oh so subtle rhymes - intended or not - are just enough to lilt the reader in that dreamy state. I love the line "night dreams cause me to pause" - it is amazing how starkly different our night experience can be from our early morning reverie. Perhaps it is neither birth nor death, or perhaps even more, it is both...to wonder is still more divine...Wonderfully done!
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-02-16 08:46:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Very nicely written Cheyenne, I believe it is more divine. Strong use of imagery throughout the poem - always a deep meaning within each of your poems - reflecting, thought processing along with a bit of soul searching as well.
Verses 3 & 4 are enchanting and stand out in this poem.
I paused just for a moment with "sightless" trees and decided this was your personal choice to bring out an emotion in that verse.
There isn't anything I noticed that I would change in this write.
You've done a wonderful job - Kudos my friend. On my list.
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-15 00:05:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I love the imagery. So far you rock when it comes to that. (If I am too bold I apologize.) This work should be 4 lines in each stanza. You go over in some and are too short in others. Keep the pace. If you are not going to do rhyme then do structure. "Peeks" is too much in the fourth stanza. I would also try to keep the same tense of verbs in describing. The past, the past perfect, and the imperfect tense are distracting.
Kindest Regards,
David
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