To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Conundrum Contract A contract’s all I need to give Find peace within his arms again So he and I may safely live For love’s embrace should always win If only I would not divide But it’s his love inside they fear Amidst my mind parts do collide That all they know and hold so dear Somehow we must find us a way Love will smother and suffocate Agree that him we will not slay Our existence. Is it just fate How do you gather opposed selves To remain divided alone Some fixed on love others on hell And not together in our home? When terror rules from distant past Parts trapped in and holding fast No! I will fight for peace to reign Know nothing more than allegiance That those inside release their pain To lies once told with convenience To welcome in love’s soothing balm Of keeping those who sought to bind And know what it’s like to feel calm Us to their ways becoming blind Despite the pull to still return Invisible to those who see To the only way that they’ve learned Chaos unfolding within me Living a world turned upside down As parts aligned with light and truth And inside out grin becomes frown Challenge those stuck back in their youth That disapproves of lonely choice Finally spoke out and used our voice If we could just prognosticate This my solemn promise to you That each will agree to relate To fight against the whole night through And promise not to harm or hurt Continue to show dark parts the way Working together to convert Into the light of truth’s new day Fear welled deep within our soul’s heart Where love is safe and never lies To hope and desire for each part No matter if dark crying eyes Will live in truth and seek the light Or rage and anger they possess Push back the night, let go the fight A smile’s a smile that won’t regress |
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-15 00:18:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I read this and thought the Wives of Edmund Spencer...but I know that they are not on the History Channel or VH1...So it must be something else, askew...
I think you need to solidify a sentence or thought that you describe. There are too numerous ones that fall short or are not wholly painted within a sentence.
If you are going to use punctuation in piecemeal, use it throughout.
Need a semi colon: Some fixed on love; others on hell
Need a semi colon: To welcome; in love’s soothing balm
I like this. It needs more work and I would love to either live it or read it.
Touché!
Kindest Regards
David
(p.s. I may have lived it already.)