This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-14 19:11:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Rantings of the Divided Mind, Part III

III. there is something i cannot hide  you see my soul is black inside burned within scarred without  the devil won my faith ran out  truth be told we’re never free  when guilt has captured all of me  the shame that binds  enslaves our mind  silences the words  that scream to be heard  we cannot bear to face the truth that deep inside evil resides  and understand their motivation  to terrorize the inner nation  of wounded children lost in time  frozen parts misaligned  shattered to the very core  spinning round again once more  my head is splitting the pain unreal  no medication will help us feel  any relief from the grief that we have caused or all the loss  that we have seen in one lifetime  wasn’t it better when we were blind?  seeing truth is devastating  and yet there is no mistaking  what they know i must learn  to be whole and in turn  to help them heal unending pain  that spins us round and round again.  I KNOW ENOUGH!                               BUT,                                  I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! i want to scream  and say it’s all just a bad dream  why must i learn of each one’s tale  in order to remove the veil  why can’t i just go along a normal girl  among the world  why must my mind be so divided amongst itself?  and why is silence so elusive? i try to sleep it’s not conducive  but when i need to hear the chatter  that is when they all scatter  i’m tired of trying to keep it all together  it feels as though we’ve been through a shredder  I HATE KNOWING                                                      AND                                 I HATE NOT KNOWING!  so much pain so much shame  no more living life’s stupid game  evil will win at this rate  we’re filled with so much vile and hate  rage and anger boil inside  and kill the peace we seek to find  i told you before my soul is black  burned within no turning back this has to end somewhere somehow we will have to figure out  a way through all the pain and shame  anger rage and guilty blame

Copyright © February 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2011-03-01 13:47:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I read this poem with interest. The rhyme scheme is simple, well done, the feelings raw and communicative. I have been where you are and there is hope. Trust yourself, trust the process. Keep on writing.One thing that used to work for me is to use extended metaphors. Might help. Good luck! Irene Fraley

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-23 00:05:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I wonder will this end? I feel the narrator may have given up in attempting to heal the rift in her mind but am not sure. The poem doesn't really end. I'm left not knowing and wondering if there will be a part IV. If that is the intention, that works too. A divided mind for all time? I would fix the tense in this line: "that scream to be heard." I do enjoy your works. Kindest regards.
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