This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-19 15:14:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Lake Brandt

      pale blue the skies, frame bright sun as                              rhythmic waters reflect the gleam;                                                  fast rushing winds brush past my face                                                                         as I succumb to earthen dream.      place of refuge, my place of rest                  Nature's bounty where peace surrounds;                                             breathing easy for hope has come                                                            and in this heart love has been found.

Copyright © February 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-02-24 12:52:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie this is a sensual and refreshing piece. The view of sky and sun, with “rhythmic waters” sets the stage for more of the same. “Earthen Dream” is a wonderful simile. It makes the readers all yearn for the same. “refuge”, “rest”, “peace” – the second stanza slows us down to assess that gained in the first stanza. “love has been found” – more peaceful than sensual, but one can extrapolate the meanings and more. A delightful piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-23 00:12:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Nice short terse work. I suggest bringing the first line "as" down to the second line. It is a more natural break. It has a calming tone and starts strong with vivid imagery. I look forward to reading more of your work. Kindest regards.
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