This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-07 11:20:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Seed is Just A Seed Planted in Time

Jaded fires where envy, jealousy and regrets  faded out  on bad bets. Yet somehow a piece will linger  that leaves last to forget. Youthful candy apple red then - pressed in a book lost along wild woods the sweetness left, When the woodsman vanished. No magical feat to disappear. Walk out your own back door to never  return or care about the sores that a child cried over vivid lies and I ran out of alibis. Animals have more instinct to care for their own. While some leave wreckage of excuses left unknown. A sperm donor can do more as they sign  the dotted line.  What was so important that you never had the time?

Copyright © March 2011 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-20 11:43:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Deni, this is one of those poems that a readers follows, absorbs, and just as the book is about to be closed on meaning and circumstance; the last line sends us back to find another meaning. I begin with “a piece will linger that leaves the last to forget.” I find the stand alone to be tempting, regardless of “jealousy” and “regret”. It seems time has not been kind to the lover, the traveler. We see the “youthful” and “pressed into a book”, the key to being in love. Then the “woodsman vanished.” The hope with him. I considered this with “walk out your own back door” to be an abandoned mother and child, but now it seems it is the future child unconcieved. Finally, with the conception is the myriad of answers left in a life that had no time for a child; and now desires one. Then your last line. Never halting, it is similar to the question to those who destroy their children. Your last stanza makes the piece extraordinary.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2011-03-07 22:52:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni, This is quite a deep piece. It's tone reminds me of some of your earlier 'charged-up' writing. That's certainly good to see. I also note that you've used rhyme to give the piece a metered beat and thump..it enhances the drive in drilling your point home. There are a number of angles within which this piece could be interpreted. The first to come to my mind is the healing of a child as she comes to term with the 'tougher' relaities of her life, that of growing up under difficult circumstances and at the root of it all, tracing her birth-line to the absent father-figure, who was none other than the invisible sperm donor. Your use of 'nature' in this piece is perhaps an attempt to highlight the natural instinct of 'moving on'. I like the play on 'leaves' in verse 1. I'm forever a fan of clip and chop, but I did not feel that it requires any further trimming. I definitely enjoyed this. Take care, Duane.
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