This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2011-03-15 14:48:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Firefly

like stuttering stars; these moments of clarity unsighted by stillness random,  tangled in darkness brief blinding blinks of silence; swallowed in shadows of truth, quickly consumed by obscurity another blink, another moment, in abject surrender to the deepest dark forest of thought ©copyright March 15, 2011, Mad Moon® all rights reserved
Copyright © March 2011 Mary J Coffman

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-03-24 15:47:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary, One to ponder over and over. Thoughts coming-going like fireflies. Very cool. Moments in a forest of thoughts. Too many to remember. Lovely way with words. Ponderous. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-03-22 00:42:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
"brief blinding blinks of silence;" -> briefly blinding blinks of silence; It fits with "quickly" in the following line. "to the" is unnecessary. In fact most of the beginning of the ending phrases are not needed since it is as if a firefly were speaking. An excellent staccato as if the narrator were the firefly. Kindest regards.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-19 13:28:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mary, the metaphor is alive and well in this piece. Comparisons of twinkling stars, moments of brilliance, the fleeting recognition of truth, and the entrance to obscurity all add up to “chasing a firefly” if you will. Being a firefly proponent- I took my years in Ohio (where most the fireflies I knew lived) and added that delight of the child to the somber message of your metaphor. You final analogy, that of “dark forest” and “thought” feeds right back into the metaphor of your title “firefly”. from the beginning to end I enjoyed this piece. It was well worth the stop, to stop and thing for a “moment”. Well said.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-18 01:21:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is stunning Mary with metaphors that stand out - love "Stuttering stars", how unique to compare clarity of moments in life that blink, so quickly pass and you have blended your words with emotions, imagery, thoughts from verse to verse with a very thought provoking ending. It's very poetic in all aspects of writing and I see nothing in this poem to change because you have put it together, made it come alive and have succeeded write one of the best poems I've read this month on TPL. Kudos and my best, on my list, Blessings, Deni
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