This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-03-17 01:35:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Basic Theme For Those Who Dream

My pillow  holds my head upon the shoulder of "Jesus” for blessed dreams countless breaths nights of rest in peaceful dress. The night is not as long nor fearful with an ocean song that rushes to and fro wakening claiming  a garden of hope. A new morning feeling free thumbs in my pockets of faded jeans. The tide has turned over again. To cut out a brand new gem. Through the brush feeling the rush of lightened pigments from darkened dust. 

Copyright © March 2011 DeniMari Z.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-26 11:06:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
DeniMari, first and foremost I enjoyed the image of you; above and beyond dreams. The “peaceful dress”, “thumbs in my pockets”, “Faded jeans” all give a new impression to the writer. Of dreams, you capture well (of course you included the ocean, so that is alive for me), but more- you capture my reality, or thoughts approaching sleep. I desire the dreams and look forward to them; of good, passionate or complicated. Now the metaphor of life after dying (which I think is contained in this verse), resonates, but is encapsulated in the context of dreaming and waking. “Through the rush of lightened pigments from darkened dust” there is a morning, or a dream to lure the soul for a morning stroll. Well done.


This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-03-21 23:54:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I feel left out of something the way this ends. I feel the brand new day and the "washed soul" of new jeans but am wondering how I really got there. It's quick and to the point and that maybe the feeling when waking which I think this poem is trying to take me, but I know that I can have a life time at that point. I suggest you take this great point and work it further. I don't get the "garden" but almost everything else is right on and just needs a bit more. Sometimes I think you give up too easily for fear of too many words or images. Step back and read it again without knowing. I wish I could. Kindest regards.
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