This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-03-21 23:13:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Rantings of the Divided Mind, Part IV

She takes no prisoners the war of the mind but if you look you will find  that within all are enslaved  torn up, broken down, beaten, depraved. We cannot hide that deep inside  two worlds collide as side by side  good and evil both reside.  Each part that tries to see through lies  meets with death or certain demise  For finding truth stolen in youth means nothing less than seeing this  that at the core we all know more  about the bloody game that fills us with shame.  Game or not it’s what we got  to learn to live now we give  our life of hell from deep in the well  where murderous rage meets with the sage  wise parts inside who come to guide  mistaken rage to turn a new page.  Realize the lies that bound her mind  and sever the ties that do bind  her to the dark find the spark  of life’s true light seek peace tonight.  But murderous rage is not alone  she’s one of many who made their home  in darkened well the belly of hell  where demons loom and truth is doomed  it takes so much energy and such  to wage this fight with all my might.  What’s the point when every joint  aches and moans with every groan  from muscles that strain to bury the pain,  anger and shame that each part they do stain.  I tried again to find the end of this tormented tale  but the light grows pale  as we seek within the mind’s din.  No resolution or solution  to this war any more.  I want to scream     â€œPeace will be found! Enough you’ve had to be bound  to dark evil lies that sabotage tries  to seek the light of truth reclaim our lost youth.”  But spinning round again once more  evil spins its evil lore - naïve parts become numb as their minds do succumb.  Peace and hope are no match  for the terror that evil will hatch and reign upon all those inside who dare to speak against the lies      God damn it!  Why can’t we even begin to see the light of day in darkest night  when terror reigns besieging fright  wreaking havoc spreading grief  as spinning round we lose belief  that hope or peace will ever come  to still the panic of the gun  shot in the air no it’s not fair  but just to scare anyone who’d try to outrun terror’s reign and unending pain,  anger, guilt and shame.  I told you once my soul is black  once its sold no buying back.  Did you know life’s worth in gold?  One soul is fine but I’m told  many from one is rarest treasure and such it’s worth is rich men’s pleasure!  So round and round we go again,  spinning fast falling within,  soldiers were made slaves we became - how are we not to blame when by our hands many have died  others hurt because they tried  to break free from evil’s lair  no matter what the cost or fare?  I tried to write this poem’s end,  but I have found once again  a spinning mess within darkness.  Perhaps tonight it is not meant to be  to write the final words for me.

Copyright © March 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-26 10:53:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Mandie, before beginning IV (no, not intravenous), let me just respond to the past. In “I”, you had the masterpiece- maybe of a lifetime. I wish I had spent time with it last month, it would have topped my list. The integration and expatiation of all that occurred was brilliant. It was a transcending piece. In “II” you took the micro view out of “I”. There was the confusion, the run on thoughts and sentences. It really took the image of confusion and placed it into a verse that accented the dereliction of life, or the courage of living, if you will. In its own sense, this was a level of perfection. Oddly, it lent me to think of Charles Bukowski- maybe not exact, but in style. You might have done him, better than I did, without meaning to. As she “hides away” I wanted to hold her and tell her she isn’t alone. That is writing. In “III”, is the images of two taken from the inside out, the conflict and guilt. I often wonder what that guilt is- all I know is the woman is in such conflict and yet remains courageous throughout. Maybe not the internal courage, but to the world there is a level of continuity that preserves the woman for the next day. Your accented lines: I KNOW ENOUGH! BUT, I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! & I HATE KNOWING AND I HATE NOT KNOWING! Says it all. “we will have to figure this out”. And there you leave us- with hope in spite of the detours through hell. We are to IV, or as I like to think, “the determining factor” Once again I have to wonder how innocence was taken in youth, and how the demons that torment are not mollified by the knowledge of the woman. Maybe, as a matter of vision, IV says just that. “I told you once my soul is black once its sold no buying back.” – are the opening lines of the last stanza. Leading to those the is the chaos and the hope. The hope defies those opening lines; and the fact that “Perhaps tonight it is not meant to be to write the final words for me.” ends the piece, shows that there is exactly that next chapter to be written. I know the torment, the courage, the extravagant struggle. Behind there though, are glimpses of the tender, the woman, the lover. I hope sometime, to see her emerge a bit more pronounced. Either way, your series is a masterwork living.

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-03-22 00:19:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Damn, another one. You are too much. I will dive right in and slay myself I'm sure and if not you will hate me before this is done. Break the first line after "prisoners." I would rewrite the second to "but if you look too you will find>" I'm already liking it. It makes me want to put my Severity Test up there but I don't want to compete nor think I can. "deep" or deepness? "collide as side by side" or bashed or thrashed instead of the weak "as?" (I am a big proponent of verbs as we are only as what we "do.") "from deep in the well" seems contrived. (Sorry streaming now) End at Sage with the period. "it takes so much" to "it takes too much" I am lost with the stanza between: “Peace will be found! and God damn it! Why aren't they the same in tone and speach? "once its sold" -> "once it's sold" "I told you once my soul is black once its sold no buying back. Did you know life’s worth in gold? One soul is fine but I’m told many from one is rarest treasure" or Once I told you my soul is black Once it's sold no buying back. Don't you know life's worth in gold? One soul is fine but as I'm told Many from one is rarer treasure" I'm sorry I have to just read the rest, I can't go on. You bring to much up and I'm rather tattered. Kindest regards
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