This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-04-03 23:42:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Passing By Just a whisper
through the room
midst the night
my thoughts
were soon
turned again
familiar
faint voice I hear
knowing someone is very near
yet not here
Gone on a long
eternal journey
where
I’ve yet to be
yearn to see
when
the shadows dim over the stage
of my life
I shall know
the glory of what
you now possess
in your light |
|
Copyright © April 2011 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2011-04-21 19:26:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni. Thats an awesome statement of your faith and future! I enjoyed reading it. I don't know that anything I could suggest would make it better. (you didn't even make a typo!) But I have some experiences that lead me to understand what you say. Its in that moment when someone you love takes that last breath, or looks into your eyes one last time. The glory of it comes home, almost like a slap in the face, but right to the heart! And for you too, especially, fed the heart of a poet.
Thanks for the uplift!
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-04-21 16:24:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
I can feel the melancoly falvor of this piece in every line. To me it speaks of loss and desapir. I like...the shadows dim over the stage of my life...very descriptive. Thinking more about that line you can delete 'the' as it is not needed to get your point across. An economy of words is always a good idea when writing free verse. A sad but well written poem.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-04-09 11:36:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very well done, Demi. The poem almost reads as a whisper. That "faint voice" that only those that have lost a loved one truly hear and lament. This is one of your best I've read so far. While I've missed some poetic intentions in the past, this one is so well crafted that no one can fail to hear that "faint voice."
kind regards
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