This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2011-04-29 11:18:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Derelict Without an Island Moments touch minutes, minutes, hours...
days lost into the oblivion of millenia
Even the sand unclean to walk upon
alone, to walk upon alone.
Even the earth must be loved wisely
or lost |
|
Copyright © April 2011 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-07 15:16:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I am not sure, but the metaphor between the "sands of time" and walking along the sands of a beach; respects the substrate far more than the walker.
Spills and trash are the major contaminants of the beach; I presume indolence and impurity are the dynamics that create "dirty time".
I also think, in retrospect of this piece, that the future millennia won’t care what occurred in the distant past. Either the indulgences of this and past ages will be mitigated, or the millennia won’t be issued to the next.
This piece left me feeling uneasy. I am not sure I can measure up to the requirements and responsibility of walking the sands; either of them.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2011-05-01 18:30:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James,
I can sense a 'longing' here, for time wake-up from stagnation and for man to overcome his armor of selfish seclusion and connect with his fellow-beings. After all, if this is so difficult within Earth, how do we project ourselves in the world of the Universe. How will we be viewed? As self-haters? Self-destructionists? I believe that your poem addresses larger questions beyond the self so I'm not interpreting this as a lonely walk along the beach.
Do keep in touch more often.
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-05-01 17:26:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Blessed today to be able to read a post from you. Quite deep and true - you've managed to eloquently
put together truths in life in poetic fashion that are disheartening and undignified in the way we have
to tolerate the unimaginable around us.
The first verse sums up the message loud and clear with understanding - we just go through these times
with dismay in our hearts of how some things could be so much better - if only...
Wonderful poem,
you've been tremendously missed here.
Thank you for speaking a poem from your heart.
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-04-29 15:23:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh so sweet the words that glide from your pen to color the thoughts of my mind...have we become the the unclean, the waste that needs be wiped away--hearts hardened--no taste of love or life...such thoughts you bring to ponder less we face our own truths. Have so missed your pennings and so pleased to see this here today. Bravo poet, you arrive again. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-04-29 14:55:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
James,
Especially the earth needs loving. We are made up of earth.
I think we are all an island alone.
And yet we are one.
I certainly can relate to the ideas in this and have felt like
this before. hardly anyone could be more alone than I and I rarely
feel lonely. I value my alone time as gold.
I love your vulnerability. I like your nonwasteful use of words.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2011-04-29 12:32:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James. I enjoyed thinking this one through. It feels lonely, forever-ish.. and 'almost' lost. There is a tiny spark of hope there in your last line. Perhaps the earth is the saving grace of mankind after all. That is, if we take care of her. But throughout millenia man has continued to destroy, first himself, and secondly the earth. Is there hope in that? Maybe....if a person feels alone on a beach, then there is still hope!
Smiles to you. I enjoyed the read but have no suggestions. Only one word stands out. Beginning your 3rd line with the word 'even' is probably incorrect english, but unless that is important to you I wouldn't change it. Thanks for sharing!
Ellen
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