This Poem was Submitted By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-05-14 21:53:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Some Times

At 11:11 the meaning is clear The day is not done, I’m nowhere near Home, thought, love, or thirst for more That this world would have for me stored In recluse places far from probing minds, Introductory coupons and mail-in rebates For that special lingering essences. The field mice scurry, the poet plays with cards Inadequate for words, emotions too sore; Raw contemplation or the thirst for God, Now too scared, no!, mediocre for an answer Help I’m drowning, throw me a rock, a word, a clue.

Copyright © May 2011 David Keesey


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-05-19 11:14:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Clear beautiful message written in very nice poetic style. Some very unique choices of words with this to understand the depth of emotion which is in turmoil withing thoughts - cute and clever adding coupons/mail-in-rebates- a petty thing done in life that some toss,other use - like that a lot. The thirst for spirituality is a search, and you've captured the raw intensity in this search, for answers in life - Trust - trust they will come - Great job- on my list. blessings, Deni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-17 12:15:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
David, at first I imagined my “tweener” times. The silioqueys to nobody and the world around. You had us examining essences and the world with you. There is a coordinated image to all of it, where you are the periapt for our feelings, and the world is the same. I believe I understood all of what you said. Fear comes and is released; I find a certain resolution in the quantum universe, but over all- you sped us through life pretty well. I spend a lot of time trying to find the poet, as well as myself within the parameters of a poem. I think this does well on both accounts.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Pat Eaklor On Date: 2011-05-15 23:40:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi, David, This poem held my attention very well. Also, I did feel a sense of panic which built to a climax for me in the last line. I think this is a good poem and an especially good last line for this poem. One other observation: by abandoning the rhyme after the first 4 lines, I thought you added an additional sense of desperation to the poem. TicaBelle
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