This Poem was Submitted By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-05-14 21:55:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Now’s the time I meet the gentle trickster, That dark foreboding star who sometimes downs His walk in grey apparel â€“ suited to provoking Human frauds or bogus prophets some how Spawned from breeding pride â€“ as his perception Constrains my sight to see false teeth and limbs That he deftly juggles before my eyes Conning my wallet, annoying my mind, He intertwines my walk with cruel testers Of every kind, hiding in blind alleys, But now our walk must leave those ancient caves, Hinderings by false appearance just seen To block my path with practical jokers. What truth will I later see when our trip  Is over and he goes on to impose His pranks and trials on some other’s life? Will I out live his test of severity?

Copyright © May 2011 David Keesey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-06-04 22:39:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
           

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-05-21 17:19:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi David, I like the theme of this poem but the frequent use of punctuation interrupts the thought for me. You could easily let your line breaks work for you. Also "some how" is one word not two. In your second line do you mean 'dons' instead of 'downs?' Downs doesn't make sense to me but you could use 'drowns' which does make sense in my feeble mind. With a bit of tweaking this will be a marvelous poem. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-05-18 00:10:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello David, this is a quite a mix of lines, that provokes thoughts through the poem, yet I'm wondering what the message intended is at the end of this. I can relate to the major part of interacting with phonies - or perhaps you're expressing a general message about life and those who prey on others thinking they won't be fooled. Very different, I've seen better by you - I feel my critique won't give your poem justice. blessings, Deni
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