This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-05-16 12:04:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Meandering Waters

Meandering the waters flow and fill A brook that trickles past the bushy plants With swirls that shine like silver beads that spill Off every mountain side with gentle slants The eyes of dawn that flutters over dreams Encroach the shadows born of ebon night And sprinkles tears on rocks and silent streams Where currents move beyond the boughs of light The pooling eddies lend me quiet times I need to carry on and live my days Its murmurs hold me where forever chimes And keeps me safe from crashing rill’s displays Meandering the waters calm with song And trills beside the shore where I belong
Copyright © May 2011 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-06-03 20:25:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Cheyenne, a natural read. I have recently contemplated very closely to your vision. It is a natural thing to find peace where images such as this reside. I appreciated the dawn “fluttering” over dreams, and the “boughs of light”. One has to wonder why anyone in this world would not be drawn to such resilient images. “eddies” to “quiet times”, and the ripples in “rills” find me sitting and writing from the inspiration. “where I belong”, universal and tempting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-05-20 15:05:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Meandering the waters flow and fill -> Meandering waters flow and fill, Omit "the" in the second line -> "past bushy plants" The eyes of dawn that flutters over dreams Encroach the shadows born of ebon night -> The eyes of dawn flutter over dreams Encroaching the shadows born in ebon night And sprinkles tears on rocks and silent streams Where currents move beyond the boughs of light -> Sprinkling tears on rocks and silent streams Where currents move beyond the boughs of light The pooling eddies lend me quiet times I need to carry on and live my days -> Pooling eddies lend me quiet times;; I need to carry on and live my days Its murmurs hold me where forever chimes And keeps me safe from crashing rill’s displays -> Its murmurs hold me where forever chimes Keeping me safe from crashing rill’s displays Meandering the waters calm with song And trills beside the shore where I belong -> Meandering waters calm with song Trilling beside the shore where I belong. Ok, please forgive me for my stoic structure yet I felt this poem and your choice was calling for it. Almost like the ripples when a stone is tossed into a calm pond, puddle or lake. A nice read. Sorry if I'm too structured and pedantic. kind regards
This Poem was Critiqued By: Pat Eaklor On Date: 2011-05-16 20:48:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi, Cheyenne! This poem is so full of emotion that it took me a minute or so to absorb it... I think the last quatrain is most emotionally charged and significant. One question: in, The eyes of dawn that flutters over dreams, I'm a little confused (which is a natural state for me). Do you mean the eyes flutter over dreams, or dawn that flutters over dreams. The plural, flutters, would indicate that dawn does the fluttering. Is that your intention? You've done it again!
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