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My Prayer( rewrite) Open my soul completely to your will I feel myself floating upon your grace eyes closed my lungs completely fill expanding me beyond what I can face To exercise my spirit I hang from my doubt and faith leaping to your embrace realigned me back, and crack, my chin some to look attentive upon every trace that has been sketched into our legacy that's written in the movements of all things painted in our hearts of your embassy that echoes in the music as it sings Praise in the notes rising up from our lips For all of those things we need eclipse |
Additional Notes:
This is a rewrite of the last two lines of my prayer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-05-27 08:55:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James, this is a well thought out, well written piece.
The play between petitioner, deity, and creation flow very well. I never got the feeling that it was short sighted or overly pious, rather a heartfelt thought process that allowed for the image desired, with the proper level of reverence.
A very well written piece.