This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-07-31 17:55:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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As Casual While Nature Meets "Heavenly" heat in Summer
to greet two white
butterflies circling round
a flowering tree
landing a moment;
One wonders?
If they see
the baby birds
in Mother's nest
peeking up to see
the pause
of light white wonder
that flies away
as they stay
nestled in their tree.
The butterflies rush up
on through the warm Summer breeze. |
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Copyright © July 2011 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-08-06 09:48:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Deni, the complexity of the simplicity is the hallmark of existence.
I remember the line “the acting is so good he/she makes it look simple†or the scientific explanation is spoken “so that the common person can understand†and I get that feel from this.
I know there is the greater metaphor- and freedom involved, but it is the journey of reading the piece that stands beyond the meaning.
A pleasure to read.
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2011-08-02 01:37:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
this poem delivers exactly what the title says--a random thought on a lazy summer day. i wonder how this poem would look if you left out all the punctuation? i really like the way you left it out in the lines near the end. i think that would help give it more of a casual feel-and let the readers develop their own rhythms reading it. maybe add three dots at the end to show continuity after...just a suggestion--i loved your poem...C
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-08-01 14:19:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
I really like the imagery in this piece. This is well written, with just enough words to capture the visual and not anything in excess. I especially like the line "the pause of light white wonder" - i think it ties well in to your first line " 'Heavenly' heat in Summer". I don't know but something about the light white line makes me think of heaven....this is a remarkable piece. oooh...so many goodies within. Thank you for sharing with us!
Mandie
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