This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-08-05 17:05:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Owls and Ravens

I watched you walk away from my  backdoor without a nod Then whispers clashed with hearts like steel that bleed for lover’s soul Why do owls hide in darkest night and ravens cark so loud? I beg to fly where ere they go where hearts don’t weep in blood My core enshrouded in sorrow’s wall picked clean and choked in lies that caught my breath in painful sobs    the sobs you never heard The house is dark in dusking skies its steps are cracked and scuffed from shadowed footfall’s lick of nails that once embraced our love Ajar the door receives night’s blade when owls and ravens called and saw the knots of cloth that held me tight, now tattered rags

Copyright © August 2011 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-08-28 15:27:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Cheyenne, I cannot say I know the circumstance, yet I know the timbre. First thing I thought of when you spoke of the “owls in darkest night” is the bible verse “Men Loved Darkness Rather Than Light, Because Their Deeds Were Evil. Job 24:12”, obvioulsly a greater testament than your verse, but the feelings of need are similar. Owls hoots, too, like the ravens, resound uncannily through the night air. The sorrow displayed, “choking” “painful sobs” “dusking skies” all in response to lost love leaves us looking in and caring. losing the link, the tightness of love’s embrace- too much gone, and we gone with the writer.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2011-08-19 14:17:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Like the structure, the thought, the depth of feeling within this piece. Some areas were a little rough in sound but the voice you spoke with made up for it...Well done.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-08-10 23:24:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh so lovely dark and mysterious almost sinister but not quite--just on the edge. Your flow is so smooth that it easily captivates your reader with the gentle rush of those forboding and lonely word choices. Excellent, in emotion that gives way to confusions pain, broken hearted reverie. Can not pick a favored line for they all blend so well an no one line triumphs over the other. Most enjoyable, no nits or spags. Lora
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