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Now footloose and fancy free I shall dance once more with thee. Under heavenâ€™s starry skies Iâ€™ll gaze up in to your eyes to find a river trickling from each twinkle there that has become another connection between our two souls running free. Reaching across the great divide of cosmic chasms in the mind to seek the light of truth within and hide no more from shadows dim.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2011-08-29 21:59:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mandie, Deep and emotional piece from you. I like that you've captured a moment of intense joy but are able to look back at life to be reminded of "shadows" and hope to no longer hide from them. Nicely written. The word free is repeated in the first line and in the second paragraph.. I feel like it fits better in the 2nd paragraph and perhaps could be replaced in the first to avoid repetition. Just a thought. Last two lines convey a very powerful meaning.. something that every human being would want.. I'm not sure dim was the best possible rhyme to use. Maybe ... "to see the light of truth within and hide no more from shadows grim." ?? Good Luck! :)
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