This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-08-14 23:36:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Heavenly Connections

Now footloose and fancy free I shall dance once more with thee. Under heaven’s starry skies I’ll gaze up in to your eyes to find a river trickling from  each twinkle there that has become another connection between our two souls running free.  Reaching across the great divide of cosmic chasms in the mind to seek the light of truth within and hide no more from shadows dim.

Copyright © August 2011 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ashni Irey On Date: 2011-08-29 21:59:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mandie, Deep and emotional piece from you. I like that you've captured a moment of intense joy but are able to look back at life to be reminded of "shadows" and hope to no longer hide from them. Nicely written. The word free is repeated in the first line and in the second paragraph.. I feel like it fits better in the 2nd paragraph and perhaps could be replaced in the first to avoid repetition. Just a thought. Last two lines convey a very powerful meaning.. something that every human being would want.. I'm not sure dim was the best possible rhyme to use. Maybe ... "to see the light of truth within and hide no more from shadows grim." ?? Good Luck! :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-08-28 12:20:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Mandie- an enlightening piece, literally. There appears the connection both of deity and of personality. Of despising the past darkness and allowing, that love also a formidable influence. Your symbolism, “starry eyes”, “rivers twinkle”, “souls running free”, “cosmic chasms” create an ongoing simile more than a metaphor- yet the metaphor is there for finding a solution to the journey. “Light of truth” there is the crux of the arch. As with “shadows dim” it is obvious that truth might not be the answer to happiness, unless it is found within.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2011-08-19 13:55:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lost within the rhyme in the last stanza, this through me off. Would like to see more depth and meaning presented by having a conclusion..Thanks for sharing.
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