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This Poem was Submitted By: Jessie L Carder On Date: 2011-08-21 17:05:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Love vs Wealth

I fall asleep, awake each night, To drift from darkness into the light, I make a promise to me, myself, Never replace love for wealth, I look past you, back to me, And pray our love can set me free, Wealth in material, fame, & fortune, Not in feeling, a miserable distortion, Please my love, don't let him near, I'll lose myself in total fear, Please don't let him take me, no, I swear I'll never let you go, If they let him steal our love, We'll share it again one day above.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-09-06 08:18:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Jessie, there is the image; an icon of "wealth" and the warmth of hearth. The transition to one does not preclude happiness, but so often affects relationships. Maybe it is in the invincibility that comes with being able to do or buy anything, whereas giving to another for "love" requires an unconditional response and unselfishness. Your last line requires a level of forgiveness, (which I guess in an afterlife is a moot point- one must have such or maybe the end result is different), but beyond that it presumes the shallowness of "wealth" is not worth to the quality of relationship. An interesting write.

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-09-03 15:06:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Jessie, This is a nice poem, written in rhyming couplets. I like the theme and I have heard it is as easy to fall in love with a person who has money as it is for someone who has not. But I think love far out weighs money. I think you have over used punctuation...just my opinion. Each one of these lines could stand on its own and if you delete all periods and commmas it will read just fine. Let your line breaks work for you which will make a smoother read. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-08-25 21:35:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi- thank you for joining us on TPL - this poem is rich with emotions that instantly say "Money does not buy happiness in life, especially when it comes to love." Complete love can endure and remain as long as two put their minds to accomplishing goals in life, with fortitude in all directions being placed as a priority. Very lovely expression with a good rhyme scheme that allows the reader to easily comprehend each verse - and enjoy the poem in it's entirety. My only suggestion, is one I've been told about several times is watch punctuation - and in the second line of each verse there is no need to capitalize the first letter - Aside from that I'm happy to be able to read from a new writer here - and hoping to see a lot more posts from you. Best of luck - blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2011-08-21 17:43:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your feelings are shown well and the structure maintained. Some flow problems for this reader going from wealth to the stealing of the heart. I would have liked to see either one expanded on with the removal of the other. Just this readers thoughts...Thanks for sharing.

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