This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-09-08 00:54:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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To Rise From Ash

Mortal ash that I have been went seeking solace through sweet dreams. But walking dead I left the bed where Incubus did scheme.   As I laid between the sheets my mortal ash began to die, crumbling to dust in shades of rust, barely waking to the lie.   Wake me up from walking dead! Save me from this nightmare’s end! Incinerate this mortal ash bringing me to life again.   Rising phoenix begins to soar among the portals in the sky; carries me to other realms where mortal ash will never die. .

Copyright © September 2011 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
Prompt: Disturbed "Inside the Fire" Also influenced by Evanescence "Bring Me to Life/Wake Me Up" and Skillet's "Awake and Alive"

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-09-27 22:05:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Mandie, the personal touch to the endless metaphor- the party of rebirth from the resurrection to a kind word when the image within is dying. Mortal ash – is a mixed metaphor; that of ash, which is subsequent to death and mortal that "will never die". In the dichotomy of the moment is found the redemption that you dream of in the verse. Aside from "nightmares end" is the plea to "wake me up from waking dead" - that in living there is an exigency that exceeds being alive. It is not good enough to be alive, we must want to live; and in that the phoenix resounds as a talisman. Dreams are dreams, if living is not enhanced by dreams, the nightmares entail. An interesting and passionate piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-09-12 21:08:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandi, This is an accomplished poem and one I enjoyed reading several times. Your word selection is exquisite and each line is wonderfully written. Every once in awhile I read a poem I wish I had written and this is one of those. I don't know what rhyme scheme you used but no matter it works well and adds too charm to this excellent poem. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
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