This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-10-08 17:40:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Depression When depression
cuts deep
and shadows dark
refuse to abate
minds turn
to deeds of harm
Like razors
cutting crimson
with whistles
of salt that sting
raw nerves
held together
by ever fraying thread
Recall the ivory
and amber dreams
that gives solace
to the soul
A spirit once endowed
with wings
flounders now
When tightly wound
knots of pain
seek to sunder you
let dawn’s light
sweep past tears
that slump
on stained cheeks
Lift the fallen
who silent echoes
screech
|
|
Copyright © October 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-10-29 18:30:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Cheyenne,
You can certainly turn a phrase, so to speak!
You can show real depression. screeching in silence is an interesting thought.
We do that a lot it seems.
Your cup needs filling ever so often. Music helps me.
good job...
Best wishes
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2011-10-18 01:01:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is a poet's poem most definitely. What is it about us that brings out such depressive moods. Perhaps it's the creativity burning within. This is a piercing poem, and although its subject matter is less than happy, it captures a very important time, a most deserving place to be remembered, and a pain that is quite real for many. I find it therapeutic to not only write about a depressive state but to also read about one.
I like how these words flow simply and with brevity. The rhythm of the poem helps to carry the meaning and the words. You can almost get a visual, and you are not afraid. You understand, sympathize, and feel the moment you capture as a writer, and it's a bold moment, a telling one.
You use some good words and phrases like cutting deep and shadows dark to set the mood and tone of the poem. You bring the reader into that atmosphere; you give them a surreal glimpse of a sad and painful moment, a place that's very real for many. You give explanation to often what seems unexplainable. I'm sure that many would agree about how well you capture the depths to which one can descend when depression surfaces. Good job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-10-15 12:09:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I hope this is observational and not a common theme. Your ending, as I have learned long ago, the sun rising usually issues some respite.
One finds out there is another day- those who embrace it "in spite" can break or partially break the spell, those who seal it out of their hearts, find it harder.
Throughout the poem, you bring the properties of despair in graphic, experiencial description. I particularly like "the ivory" of "amber dreams". Somehow, within the soul- colors exact a visceral theme.
This was a heartfelt medium for the heart weary. It was an accurate image that reminds us all of, those times.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!