This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2011-11-07 05:55:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Once Was Lost From you and from the years
Of unspent time and unshed tears
I purge myself complete for thee
To feel that feeling of being free
I never knew that chaos reigned
In this, the somber life I’ve claimed
O leave me not upon this bough
But salvage the art form even now
That I might live to recount this love
As one who flies on wings of doves
Let me write life’s lamentations
And of the world’s bleak salvations
Deliver me from this day and the next
That I might live in spirit with text
Cast me not into the deep
But reclaim me as a wayward sheep
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Copyright © November 2011 Latorial D. Faison
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-12-04 17:52:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Latorial,
Very humble and emotional writing. Glad to see your work again.
From a lost sheep to another, I love the goodness of God and wish to also
live in the light in peace.
Hopefully our world will vie for betterment also.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-11 12:28:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial, the image of mankind as the “art form†of the ultimate creation of an artist, as the poem to the poet, is a marvelous look into something that adds a layer of meaning to it all. It could easily be read as the poem speaking to the poet, as much as a person conversing with a deity.
The editing of your piece is well constructed (I would drop the (s) off of doves, a singular “dove†would still be interpreted as “dovesâ€. Bringing the “chaos†in the same stanza as “salvage†gives the immediate impression of hope and a designation beyond whatever hardship assails.
In stanza three, where “love†is the conduit for interpreting “life’s lamentations†also issuing, aside for Love that salvation otherwise gained is “bleakâ€. There in the artist’s brush stroke is the ambiance of the created- that it is with the care of the giver that true redemption occurs.
You last line, of “wayward sheep†so soothes and matches the entirety of the theme that the used metaphor is re-enlivened and fresh. Finding that inspiration, the poet “in spirit with text†or the resultant poem speaking meld into a fine answer for it all.
I thoroughly enjoyed the rhyme and respite.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-10 17:32:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Latorial,
This is a fabulous poem and one of your best, in my humble opinion. You have chosen such expressive words. Your rhyming couplets are successful and the melancholy flavor of the lines is delicious. Your phrasing and word placement is impeccable. In case you can't tell, I love this poem! Every poem, of yours, that I read your talent as a poet is shining through as you get better and better. Bravo!
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2011-11-08 22:20:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Latorial,
This is such a beautiful, heartfelt ars poetica, with
form and meter handled deftly. I especially enjoyed
the diction of “O leave me not upon this bough†and
am reminded of 19th Century poets, such as Wordsworth.
The hymn-like closing lines are my favorites:
"Let me write life’s lamentations
And of the world’s bleak salvations
Deliver me from this day and the next
That I might live in spirit with text
Cast me not into the deep
But reclaim me as a wayward sheep."
The whole poem is highly enjoyable – but the final
lines bring home the truth of the poet’s desire to
be delivered from a chaotic world, and to write “in
Spirit and in truth.†Beautifully done!
It is a joy to read and comment on your work!
Blessings,
Joanne
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