This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-18 17:08:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Twenty Years

For twenty springs my petals bloomed when willows smiled in greenest fields while overhead the stars have loomed and wore their silver tones as shields I watched the mountains hold their breath when clouds began to sputter rain before the rosy dawn brought death to shadow’s wraith of sudden pain I still recall those lazy days when scruffs of night disguised the light My buds will bloom in many ways with vivid colors burning bright The umber leaves begin to fade as tawny blankets cloak the grass I’m but a wilted rose in shade awaiting winter’s frigid pass

Copyright © November 2011 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-11-20 19:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, Lovely writing. Magic touch of vocabulary. I find things run in twenties. married 20 years/then parted, 20 years to raise a child, the change of life drama..... all as if the 20 years was time for something different. Tried it/do different. Thoughtful, poignant, well written. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-19 13:32:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, what pleasure to sit and bask in a beautiful piece. The piece is personable and the character, of the rose, becomes as an old friend telling a story; a good story however the road carries it. Your descriptors are wonderful, “greenest” “silver tones” “rosy” “vivid” “umber” “tawny” “wilted”, these all make your piece absolutely delicious. In among the transiting the journey, we see the images of life, “Loomed” “shields” “rain” death” “pain” “fade” “pass” and through it with your rhyme scheme come a pertinence to each and every reader. The theme of providence and hope make a smile of the entire piece; even when it is less smile worthy. I would read this, in a book, whenever I wanted to read a poem of hope and anticipation. I could list a hundred great poets I could name, who would be consider this a good work from their pens. Really well done. Not a rhyme, meter, or image out of place.
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