This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-18 17:08:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Twenty Years For twenty springs my petals bloomed
when willows smiled in greenest fields
while overhead the stars have loomed
and wore their silver tones as shields
I watched the mountains hold their breath
when clouds began to sputter rain
before the rosy dawn brought death
to shadow’s wraith of sudden pain
I still recall those lazy days
when scruffs of night disguised the light
My buds will bloom in many ways
with vivid colors burning bright
The umber leaves begin to fade
as tawny blankets cloak the grass
I’m but a wilted rose in shade
awaiting winter’s frigid pass
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Copyright © November 2011 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-11-20 19:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne,
Lovely writing. Magic touch of vocabulary.
I find things run in twenties. married 20 years/then parted, 20 years to raise a child,
the change of life drama.....
all as if the 20 years was time for something different. Tried it/do different.
Thoughtful, poignant, well written.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-11-19 13:32:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, what pleasure to sit and bask in a beautiful piece. The piece is personable and the character, of the rose, becomes as an old friend telling a story; a good story however the road carries it.
Your descriptors are wonderful, “greenest†“silver tones†“rosy†“vivid†“umber†“tawny†“wiltedâ€, these all make your piece absolutely delicious. In among the transiting the journey, we see the images of life, “Loomed†“shields†“rain†death†“pain†“fade†“pass†and through it with your rhyme scheme come a pertinence to each and every reader.
The theme of providence and hope make a smile of the entire piece; even when it is less smile worthy. I would read this, in a book, whenever I wanted to read a poem of hope and anticipation.
I could list a hundred great poets I could name, who would be consider this a good work from their pens. Really well done. Not a rhyme, meter, or image out of place.
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