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while eyes were dry refused to cry for many years fell crimson tears as deep inside where pain did hide our rage screamed out to be without the haunting thoughts that flashed and fought to be known no more alone with the knowledge of the carnage within the past threatâ€™ning to last forever more in the soulâ€™s core so as pain hid then our rage did seek to release and find some peace cut of the knife dripped drops of life those crimson tears relieved the fears at first just one got the job done soon it took more to rise and soar up on that high of crimson tide now eyes still dry itâ€™s time to cry crystal like tears held back for years rage no longer can be stronger than will to live but fight to give pain a chance to move its way through the crimson tide no longer hides our many fears in crimson tears
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-11-28 17:39:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie, I knew from the title this poem would be sad and while it was in the beginning it ended on an uplifting note. I like your word choices and the flow is even. You have used the word 'crimson' several times but you made it work. In the line below you have used reverse syntax when you say 'pain did hide' it's the word 'did' that is the culprit. as deep inside where pain did hide try as deep inside where pain could hide- or- pain would hide All in all an excellent poem! Best wishes, cheyenne
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