This Poem was Submitted By: Kay C Steward On Date: 2011-12-12 19:51:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Australian Trees in Winter In the breadth of the trees
Slow movement of leaves
West wind humming
Stringy-bark strumming.
Ghost gums naked in broad daylight
Wind now whipping - willy-willy spinning
Dust devils grinning
Old man winter takes delight.
Stripping the trees; westerly bite
Birds flying backwards, sheer force
Small animals scurry for burrow's source
Kangaroo, Emu - sand blasted sight.
In the breadth of the trees
Wild westerly's -
West wind howling throughout the night
Pale morning brings surcease. |
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Copyright © December 2011 Kay C Steward
Additional Notes:
A quatrain with rhyming a,a,b,b,a,b,b,a. I have posted this on Fanstory some time ago. This is a story poem about winter in Australia.
Stringy bark: native tree that loses it's bark like strings.
Willy-Willy: spinning dust devil out on the plains.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2011-12-31 16:25:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kay,
Lovely, different area for me. I liked willy nilly....
good job.
In the breadth of the trees
Wild westerly's -
West wind howling throughout the night
Pale morning brings surcease. [I'd like the end better]
Happy NY
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-12-16 21:52:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kay, a beautiful piece. I have not critiqued one of your pieces before, I don’t believe. Let me get the required complaint out before I speak, and then I shall not say it again. It is not the composers job to explain rhymeing patterns, or define terms. If the reader doesn’t wish to invest themselves into a poem- it is their loss. Maybe there is a teachable moment, but for me, it is- like love- far too easy if you do the work for them. Let the reader invest in your work. Let me say your patterns are not forced, but fresh and alive.
I find in “sheer force†a moment in your piece. It is matched in kind by “wild westerlysâ€. What is the point? That beauty lives with both the bounty and the sacrifice to make itself apparent.
I adored the image “willy-willy spinning - Dust devils grinning†it takes me right there with the trees, with the environment, with the moment. It is alive and more. Once again the power the “sheer force†metes more than the impression, more of the continuum that allows beauty to be seen.
A beautiful piece; that creates a longing to enjoin the vision and the the creation of that moment.
Thank you so much for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-12-15 03:23:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kay, nice to see you here and welcome.
Your poem flows well, almost as if carried by the wind of which you speak. The images you paint are clear and captivating, your words so well chosen and placed. An artist would have no problem painting a picture from the wonderful descriptions youv'e given. The cadence of your write made for an easy and enjoyable read. No nits or spags, excellent. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-12-12 20:19:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Kay,
This is an excellent poem about Australia, it is a beautiful place. Your rhyme pattern is effective and well penned. Your word choices are very expressive and eloquent. I am grateful you explained Stringy bark and Willy-Willy as I had no idea what they meant. Birds flying backwards is an interesting expression but if the winds blow hard enough I know they can't make much headway. Your imagery is first rate and vivid. Well done and I hope you continue to post here.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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