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I'm Dying Inside
bittersweet lachrymal drops in her eyes threaten to fall betraying the lies she swallows the knot in her throat as she tries to hide the fact sheâ€™s the one who now cries with a painted smile upon her face she clutches to hope found in a dark place self-defeating thoughts continuously race as she flees the devilâ€™s feverish pace by the skin of her teeth escaping his keep she collapses in a miserable heap â€œI surrender!â€ she cries before taking a leap with hope that now she can forever sleep
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-01-07 21:09:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
I think, lady, this is your best offering of the month. Your use of the age old â€œlachrymalâ€ caught me immediately. It is symbolic of the fight, and the triumph. The â€œpainted smileâ€ is not uncommon, but the chase and catch are medial interests to the woman herself. I think, were I to wish it would not be the Sleeping Beauty passage, rather to hear the laugh; and gauge from the face and eyes the responsiveness of the soul. I know I would not watch the â€œmiserable heapâ€ without an embrace- I have not been inured to accept evil as a norm; I think- there is someone else and I want to hear her laugh.
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