This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-12-29 20:37:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Breaking Out My Broken Heart

Once upon a time we were souls running free creating and dating while making heavenly connections. As we talked of becoming one, we dreamed about a time yet to be but what lies beneath dreams when saving your intentions?   Reality’s promise of coming together blindsided our torrid affair; honestly speaking  our story was over before it began. Truth be told it, was just an escape from responsible care. Accustomed to the fire of your burning desire, I let go of your hand to rise from ash while finding me.  You promised to stand in truth until the day  perfection was found, even though it was just a soul dream, patiently waiting while I was growing up to leave behind days of my youth.   But my recovered soul was no inspiration for you, shattering the dream of integrating night and day and together in light unite would we hide no more from the refining fire as letting go became the only way in time to speak your truth, today, to me. The adult child in me would listen as little gentlewinds in flame rushed underneath the mask to reveal the god in you As the silence grew louder she said â€œI wish for the healing, please bring him back to me â€“ dreams do come true I know they do.”   But he was gone finding solace in season and stealing Away into night in his black tie tuxedo, â€œOh where did he go?” I cried to be â€¦forgiven, no longer alone ; but tonight, I lie pondering if my special one will know I thought about you today or if I will be unknown.   Now I, the dancing swan, twirling round in playful rain, cry for the love poem that in interdimensional space we once created.   May rest come, we will never be reunited, the pain overwhelms me in my reminiscence on this anniversary we dated.

Copyright © December 2011 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
This was written with a challenge to use "happy, lighthearted" titles of your previous works to write a sad, dark poem...There are 59 titles of my previous works included in this poem, including one in the title...How many can you find?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-01-07 10:45:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Mandie, I haven’t the courage to move forward on such a piece as this. The volumes they represent are a critical piece of what we all have shared of your life. It is a tempting form, even for me, to take titles and weave them into substance. It may be possible for me to duplicate this effort, but I believe; as I learn more of you, that I could not find a thread of the same venue, long enough to accomplish what you have done. Maybe lost love, or love, or even a historical reference to politics and irony, I don’t know- I do know that behind each of these lines is the passionate response to a difficult life. I guess, in critiquing, that is where I shall leave it. The passing glance can never know the critical content of these lines set in review.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kimberly D Rowe-Van Allen On Date: 2011-12-31 14:25:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, Interesting points in the poem. I prefer a bit more structure in the phrasing so that when I read it the information flows with some rhythm, but the images are clear and powerful. It is dark and sad, so you accomplished your goal - the feeling of dispair and longing comes through quite well. Thanks for sharing your work. Kim
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