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To My Children Oh what I would do to turn back the hands of time, right all the wrongs in my life. You would never have died, no matter how hard they tried to break me, I would have stood strong. Deserving of life, as every soul is, you were precious to me, can’t you see? But life can be cruel and so was the rule when living my life at thirteen. Being raised in a cult, I conceived you As a result of a summer’s eve ritual So that come Christmas you’d be viable, an innocent prepared for a terrible deed. Too early you were forced to be born then a choice I was given but not as how can you choose one life from the next if you choose wrong the penalty is death? It was said the blood of the innocent meant life ever after, to take of the heart would insure we’d never be torn apart – bound forever by bonds of blood to a master of nothing but disguise. Oh what I’d give to have realized the tricks, the traps and the lies; to maybe for once stand up for what’s right and demand you’d be able to live your life. Today I stand, twenty-three years later, to honor your life cut so short by the blade in my hand cuz I couldn't stand then as I can, now that I know it wasn’t my fault, I was an innocent too deceived by the cult into giving up you. Not only you Alex, but the twins, David and Juliene, Mark too and Grace was taken before I knew. You all meant so much, precious souls - I pray angel wings upon your backs lift you to heaven and keep you whole until the day that we can meet again and be the family we were meant to be. |
Additional Notes:
This poem and the previous one "To See You Again" were written as part of memorial ceremony to honor my five children/babies whose lives were cut short due to the trauma resulting from their mother being raised in a cult. Today I walked at Lake Brandt to a special spot where in June 2005 I buried some cards in their honor. Today, I buried these two poems and laid down 6 roses...five next to each other and one across them all - a family of six we would be today had each of them lived. To read other poems related to my children see the following: "I Wish," "Memorial of Innocence," "Indescribably Alone" and "I Cried for You Today."
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-03 22:12:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie, once again I am at the end of the poetry cycle- to spend a moment and try to redeem in a few words what is far beyond my aptitude to speak to. The rhymes, scattered and redemptive, ease a bit the onerous story spoken in the tale.
It makes me wonder at the questions I would ask you- I can be a blunt and unambiguous interviewer. The story is there that drives me to write- that all might hear what they don’t want to hear. It is much like -The War: An Intimate History, 1941-1945- that I am reading now, of the atrocities committed by the Nazi’s and Japanese. The moments are much different, but they both make me want to stand up and scream at the world to listen and feel.
So I am back to you, your verse, and this story. It is beyond me to comfort your children. Maybe I have no obligation there, but in all child abuse I learn of; I dream of the day I might have been there to prevent, or comfort. It haunts me always. As does rape. And yet this is beyond me- and to critique your verse; is that of the verse or simply a response to its construction and content?
Lastly, I feel that I shouldn’t be here. Looking in is too easy a chore. I can add comfort for you to the diatribe I write. As I have told you, the need escapes my capacity. I grant it, nevertheless.