This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-01-29 03:44:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Money Train

The price of the fare for the journey has risen. In changes are those captive in financial prison. Smiles are less conversing is always full of stress while we sit on boats barely kept afloat in hopes to see more security. Anything substantial to set our minds free. Golden shoes are not what we need perhaps a stint of two or three chances for modest lives spent with dignity.

Copyright © January 2012 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-07 20:22:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni I enjoyed this. It's a very restrained and polite complaint about the way things are, but makes the point firmly. Neat. Best wishes, Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-07 12:42:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, the transition from a financial metaphor to the real quality of living was seamless. I am sure some didn’t really catch your nuance. Hope corresponds to both images, that of the wallet and the lives. The implication of the stress and the need were well set in your exposé. That the security of the future must be provided for, long before the need is driven home; or is it the respectability of living is transcendent beyond the nuts and bolts of putting together the support? I like the thought of setting the mind free. I think, in the seeking, we forget the end game. That, I believe, is the point of your piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-01 19:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nicely done Deni, Your words ring with clarity, if only we weren't such a materialistic society. I believe that we truly don't own stuff but that it owns us...but you put it in such an read, much enjoyed. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-01-31 14:14:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, Money is tough. just to exist is hard. But with a lot of work, we can get through. Start hoarding food. Cut expenses, watch for waste, buy only necessary. i've found in my life there 's ups and downs throughout. it actually is more fun to be challenged. When I have it, people do anything to get it from you. When you don't they basically leave you alone. That's the trade off. Your poem is clean, pure and pretty good. dellena
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