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This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-01-30 18:12:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Lagoon

We stood by the lagoon that summer afternoon when lilacs lingered with blossoms under drops of amber sun We watched hummingbirds with quickened wings sip the nectar of larkspur, while we swayed to soft music from a distant arcade. Clouds wore gossamer lace like a phantom of white that swept the sky while your honeyed lips caressed my smile, on the day of our rendezvous where memories were laid

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-07 20:29:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Chey Lovely vignette ... lovely memory-snapshot of a beautiful moment. It feels to me like it has a background of sadness to it that it actually probably doesn't...but that's just me reading things into it :-) One thing frustrates me about you. It's that on the one hand, you'll often use (what's a kind word for it?) tired expressions like "gossamer lace", but then trot out something like "honeyed lips caressed my smile" that shines and captures attention like an unexpected firefly. I want more of your fireflies, honey. :-) Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-03 09:45:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, I know I am a cerebral type- (why I love MSS’s poetry) and passionate- but there is a place in me that waits for well written images, saucy tasteful sex, and that sort. I think there is just not enough on this site (well written is the keyword) for me. I adored this piece. It is images that drive me to want more. It is a peek into someobodies life and love (the author?) and it is a moment that allows me to be a voyeur and suspect the ending of the story. When read aloud, it sweetens the moment. The –lagoon- and the birds, the transiting music from some distance; sky and –honeyed- lips on –smile- this is the sort of writing (well written) that inspires the soul of one who can feel with the author, and wish he/she were one and the same. Thanks for the image.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-01-31 14:29:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, Another lovely of your many. You sound like the lady in lace. So utterly a women. I so enjoy your outright femininity. I pine for spring and all it brings. really nice job. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-01-30 19:35:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Now, this is quite different from your normal fare but very pleasing. You lay the picture before us and give us a realm of possibilities--ouh-la-la, gorgeous writing with wonderful images that will linger in the mind. Nothing to change, no nits or spags Lora

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