This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-01 19:23:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Under Your Spell (with correction)

Each time we meet though we don’t speak I read your body, see the heat in your eyes Oh yes, I feel the pulse smoldering just— as those jazzy blues begin to growl As you move closer  I know it isn’t easy  giving up your heart your wanting more yet, before I fall under your spell Stop—I need to say  I can’t be your one and only I can’t be the one whose name  you breathe as if a prayer I’m not the one for all time No, no, I’m not  the one for you I feel the fire when you brush my hand with yours Yes—you are wanting more  than I can give.  You’d be oh so easy  to touch, to breath, to taste,  I tremble, anticipation,  your breath searing my thoughts  to late to retreat Stop—I need to say  baby, I not your one and only,  not the one who’ll be there till the end of time, but if you still want to dance, then tonight we will— 

Copyright © February 2012 Lora Silvey

Additional Notes:
Just needed to drop one word.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-01 18:25:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Lora Your poems this month move from twinkle-eyed grandma to hormone-ravaged teenager...quite a range :-) I like the immediacy of this. Everyone knows the deal here... ...and the destination. Best wishes, Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-26 01:10:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Awesome punch! I really like this. Its fresh and new and lively. Oh yes, I feel the pulse smoldering just— as those jazzy blues begin to growl Verse one might have read: Oh yes, I feel your pulse smolder, and just as those jazzy blues begin to (blow/howl) ~whos name you breath as if a prayer~ wow, yeah that works! I feel the fire when you brush my hand with yours Yes—you are wanting more than I can give. (or let go) You’d be oh so easy to touch, to breath, to taste, I tremble, anticipation, your breath searing my thoughts to late to retreat I like the flow. Its intensity is steamy. I see 2 typo' late to retreat should be TOO late and then when you say I not your one and only, should be I'm I like this! Really fun read.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-13 10:04:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora, a second time around should be a better feel and experience. Such is also this piece. There is not enough scenes like this in life (at least my older incarnation) and if there were- After my last critique of this piece, I actually went on youtube and watched portions of Minuet on that episode of Star Trek the next generation- and after watching it a few times I returned to your piece to let it matriculate into my soul. Your first and fourth stanza’s are so alive they burst from the page with desire and intimacy. The end, (or beginning), your last line does something you have a real talent for- it promises much more and then leaves it to the reader to decipher. I like it both ways, but without a window and no blinds- it’s gotta be just speculation. Damn- A wonderful piece. S5L2 (I’m)
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-02-08 12:47:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Lora, what I don't like about TPL is that we can't edit a poem without deleting it first and then repost. That said, I like this poem as much now as I did last month. I think you got rid of 'danced' in the last verse has you wrote it with two. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-02-04 16:56:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Lora, Love the ending, it really adds something to the piece. Hope others notice and like it. yea........ Dellena
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