This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-02-08 15:41:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Carnival Glass

Nickels, dimes or quarters                           The game: a coin toss Into the carnival glassware                            held at the local fair Gold s.p.o.t.s, sheens of green                           deep pinks and blue bold sky  Sun's refracting colors                            viewed by means of the eye   Such brilliance comes to pass                           through the rosy hued glass  More vivid life's enhanced                            worth a more intensive glance We do not dance, thinking                            on this roller coaster ride The sun has not given rise today                            forgetting that clouds, had it hidden away 

Copyright © February 2012 Dellena Rovito

Additional Notes:
I hope the sun will shine through those heavy chemical clouds and never show again.


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 22:56:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
They still have carnival glass on midways? An excellent focus for poem magic, Dellena. The extrapolation to clouded out sun and the play on light through the glass...tentative winning, all blend in sensory appeal. Especially to those growing up around fairs and carnivals. Interesting rhyming scheme as well. JCH


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-04 19:04:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena It's a nice dual movement you've got going on here. It's almost possible to read three separate poems here: the left one, the right one, and that one made by splicing them together ... almost like getting three views of the same scene. The poem is as playful as its subject :-) Best wishes Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-19 12:32:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
First, as for your acronym, the only I could find was Special Programs in Occupational Therapy Services- which is probably not your target, (although the indoctrination of our youth is a terrible ongoing issue). Your indication of the impending disaster in such graphically colorful words is an amazing accomplishment. There is a coordination in the piece between the –coin toss- and its randomness and the –roller coatster- whose result when looked at as a choice ride is linked indelibly to the randomness of the coin toss. Up and down, and the ups and downs linked to the variableness of the coin toss. No stability and it is well striven within the piece. The use of –hidden- implies one who hides something- and the loss of the –sun- is the end result. Take a chance, and it is a chance only, and the result is a runaway roller coaster, perpetrated by the subterfuge of a liar. A well thought out piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-10 20:46:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, I'm a sucker for fairs and carnivals, but that's not why I like this. I think the analogy between the colors of a carnival and the colors of the sky is excellent. And the connection between manipulation of the sky colors suggests that undertone of fraud and putting one over that attends carnivals - one suspects that less than scrupulous men are behind them both. I vaguely remember reading something from JCH about this. I feel like I'm trapped in a sleep and being forced to let a nightmare unfold. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-10 16:58:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Dellena, It has been such a very long time since I've been to a carnival but you definitely brought old memories to life with this well crafted poem. Your word choices depicited the carnival so well that I could almost smell cotton candy and popcorn. Thank you for the great adventure. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-10 01:35:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Dellena! I love the way this feels. Nickels, dimes or quarters The game: a coin toss Into the carnival glassware held at the local fair I can hear the coins bouncing off the glass! Your short, direct sentences brought me out into the open air of the fairgrounds. Gold s.p.o.t.s, sheens of green deep pinks and blue bold sky I dont know about the s.p.o.t.s. thing, but I like the color words! These lines could use a little re-arranging? Just a suggestion because I had trouble with the bumps in the rhythm. More vivid life's enhanced (vividly life is most enhanced) worth a more intensive glance (and worthy of intensive glance) We do not dance, thinking on this roller coaster ride The sun has not given rise today forgetting that clouds, had it hidden away Those are profound thoughts! I love that! I think you might be able to leave out the comma between clouds and had, but thats just a thought too. I like it!
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