This Poem was Submitted By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-08 22:49:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Petals and Parchment In her room of pale mint dusted with mauve
bouquets—Victorian lace lay
cover for nightstands who keep a silent
vigil. A lily’s fragile skeleton
caress’s dresser’s scarf as its scented
tears bare witness to loves farewell
lament. The stonecutter etches deeply
the memberance of life’s full circle with
a dispassionate precision
Sunday’s bell tolls as a morning’s kiss plants
gentle wafts of breeze to carry memoirs
scribed parchment out from her hand—aloft
to heavens spire. A vignette
of life shared—one to savor recollections
as a beloved passes on
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Copyright © February 2012 Lora Silvey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-04 19:29:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Lora
Some nice moments here. In the context of the overall poem, "The stonecutter etches deeply/the memberance of life’s full circle with/a dispassionate precision" really stands out to me.
In fact, "dispassion" is probably the key word for the whole poem. It is detached without being aloof, moved without being shattered...
...a nice tone throughout.
Best wishes
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 07:38:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora,
You paint nice sketches, and are a more than a capable poet. I haven't critiqued your poems because I still carry the sting of your hatchet job on Terry Anctil and everyone else that month on behalf of your "partner" Ms. Smyth: http://www.thepoeticlink.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=754
But that is what it is, and your poetry is what it is. And your poems are generally of a good quality. I particularly like one of yours that I'm working to on the list.
I like to think I can write it up a bit. So I know (or believe) "snakes" can write poetry. Perhaps we have something in common. Though I imagine you would be inclined to think I only have myself pegged. :)
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-12 12:11:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lora, first S2L2 (I assume the use of –bare- rather than –bear- is an intentional homonym usage to accent the –soul bared- or –life left bare- after the loss.
S2L4 (membrance should begin with and apostrophe to annotate and intentional truncating of the word, or the word, I believe should be remembrance).
From the moment I began reading this, to the end of the story the scents, the emotions, the visual image drew me along as if I was in the room myself. It was a fine discovery of the feelings meant.
The –wafting breeze- was as much a testament to the loss as the inscribed stone head piece. The image you left me with, not exactly the –recollections- or the –beloved- for how could a read know as much as the writer? What the writer grants us, the purview of that life share, there is where the reader enjoins and in the last stanza, that is what you offer. –vignette- there is this story, seen through the eyes of the author. Such a testament that I can leave and know what might have been if I had been offered the opportunity to share in such, as well.
Such a fine, well crafted piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-02-09 12:14:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Lora, I have to say I love every word of this poem. It is a doleful piece that speaks of losing a loved one. I have a feeling it is biographical and if so my heart goes out to you. You have selected eloquent words to express yourself. Your phrasing is impeccable in this free verse and the flow is smooth. Sometimes I come across a poem I wish I had written and this is one of those. Bravo!
best wishes,
cheyenne
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