This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-02-10 15:01:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Undiscovered I would like to write a poem
to stun and delight
Snippets of paper flutter
to the floor
where poems pile in corners
of neglect
Stirred in my memory
are words I can't retrieve
held by reluctant ink
suffocating my ability
to create
Emotions leak like beads
of sweat upon my brow
secrets so tightly bound
I can barely breathe
But the words stay hidden
in chilled winds
that wrap my soul
in pools of quicksilver
My sequestered destiny
falls deeper with every thought
while my quill scratches naked
lines on a hidden verse
languishing on the tip of a sword
Ideas spill aimlessly
resting undiscovered
by my indolent pen
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Copyright © February 2012 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 23:04:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Some kind of drama for a poet's drought. And then you blame an "indolent pen". My dear lady, you could get a
man arrested for raising his voice. Or is this Latin passion? JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-02-25 18:51:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne,
You did quite remarkably for having nothing to say or to come forth.
When I'm minus an inspiration of any sort , I'm like a dead fish.
I think this is great and tells how frustrated one becomes.
I"M WITH YOU THEIR> and always we try for one really good poem
and when you think it your best, nobody agrees with you.
So we keep trying......
Anymore I write for myself. It seems the only thing that works for me.
Dang indolent pen. Some of the best works are to just let him go and flow.
Wonderful job.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 08:38:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ms. Smyth,
That's a good motive for writing: other human beings need to be stunned and delighted - and the combination is essential. We have too much delight without stunning. And stunning without delight's no fun.
That's about all I have to say.
Oh . . . have you figured out to vote yet?
http://www.thepoeticlink.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=754
If you have, share it with Ms. Silvey. And I don't mean, "how" to vote to rig the deal. That ability is innate.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-18 10:34:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, what a splendid look at the need to create. Every line I could place in my life. It was as if you looked in on me at those moments I don’t want to waste and try to decipher what it is I should be writing.
I laughed out loud at the –snippets of paper- thinking about the tablets, napkins, waste papers lying all around filled with partials I have yet to complete. S2 is so alive with the writer that it is uncanny. (you didn’t redress the –snippets of paper- and could have added a stanza with nothing more than an evaluation of rediscovering the partial creations, and trying to regain the thought processes, feelings and such that began the creation. Sometimes, I will pick up a lost item and (at times) I can’t believe I wrote it (because it is so good) and feel odd using it in case I might have written down words (that almost never happens except in novel research) from another author.
Out of nowhere S4 and S5 were extremely sensuous- my assumption is that creation is so akin to the sensual, even the sexual experience, that you meant purposefully to create an obscure analogy to those feelings.
A really fun, intuitive piece!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-10 19:32:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Chey
Don't you feel it when you're at the source?
This entire poem say: Yes, you do.
This is sublime.
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-10 17:14:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Hmm, interesting take on a poets chaos and purpose. You've deftly described the world of the poet in this free verse poem with your colorful descriptions and easy flow. Even in the midst of chaos you show control with the placement of your thoughts and verbiage choices. no nits or spags. Lora
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