This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-02-12 21:21:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Running on Empty ..... and we wait
when we can move
while time goes on
thoughts churn change
then bend
bumping in to
thoughts that pend
we think of what
to do with this time
depths of nowhere
we imagine what we’re wasting
while waiting for a sign
the blood circulates
it’s a stagnant state
Of minds pointlessly hesitate
.....and far worse is a deafened day
searching for the right moment
to simply speak up and say
Anything worthwhile
sentences or bantering chatter
just to hear sound that matters. |
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Copyright © February 2012 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Not punctuated or written in any particular structure to add the lack luster affect to this poem -
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-07 19:02:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni
It's a sorry state, to be sure...
"just to hear sound that matters" in this society...we'll be waiting a very long time.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-25 19:02:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, there is a commonality in this piece. At least for me there is a recognizable bent. Although the inverse of happiness is not sadness, and stimulation is not malaise, there is still the precursors of both in the condition of each.
Your –bantering chatter- to fill the loneliness is quite poignant. That –pointlessly hesitate- regards the blank page or screen as the marginal result speaks directly to your point.
Although off the subject except in a metaphoric manner, I recall an old series Star Trek where captain Kirk was submitted to a mind ray that erased all thought. It gist of the matter was that in the end, it was so lonely that even a tormenter was desired.
The need for interaction and creativity is driven home in your piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 07:12:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
That last line: moments in this thing called life too often are like that. And when some of those moments tell you nothing matters . . . but maybe that's just me.
I think Jackson Browne would like this. I did.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-13 12:53:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This has me pondering. I can feel this emptyness and the depths of those in it! I can impose many situations that might be going on here. This could be a war zone, or a car without gas.!. I'm playing with it in my imagination. I like it.
This verse is my favorite.
we think of what
to do with this time
depths of nowhere
we imagine what we’re wasting
while waiting for a sign
And then this one:
.....and far worse is a deafened day
searching for the right moment
to simply speak up and say
This hit home! I bet alot of readers will relate to that!
A great poem. I enjoyed it. I'm not sure if you used those two cap's on purpose. (the O and the A). I think it might flow better without them. But, thats just my thought.
~smiles~ Ellen
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