This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-14 16:47:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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as the world churns or caveman crossing

In the beginning there was loneliness through the deep it got deeper in the vastness it was whole without beginning, without end Wisdom sees it was destined to be empty within itself and all to itself and a great desire spills forth joy and laughter are born I feel more than I can see I can sense the light above me I burst through I am above the water. ~ I find, that here in this space time changes nothing perfection in its fullness needs no change life here is panoramic breathless, orgasmic and mankind holds on clinging to his soiled self below the murky water 

Copyright © February 2012 Ellen K Lewis

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 06:21:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Interesting use of multi-media (if you intended the endless margin.) Tell me you did. Letting what you have at hand illustrate your point, in other words. Progress is an illusion, after all. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 07:19:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, You wrote this on a ribbon? Interesting. A blend of Genesis, Gospel of John, Proverbs, and Nietzsche . . . the ones that leap to mind. Mankind holding onto his "soiled self." Soiled. Fantastic. I love that. Wow. What a great way to refer to man, breathed into soil. Alliteration gives it that memorableness too. The best phrase I've come across here in awhile. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-02-16 11:29:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is def intense writing Ellen - with a structure I've not seen before and I believe it takes away from the poetic influences that would make this poem stand out in a brilliant fashion. Imagery and message intended are too profound to be lost in the flow - which happened to me while reading this. I'd do a rewrite - like I do with my own - because I think this could be at the higher level by the end of Feb. voting period, blessings, Deni
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