This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-15 13:35:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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As the World Churns..or...Caveman Crossing

In the beginning there was loneliness through the deep it got deeper  in the vastness it was whole  without beginning, without end  Wisdom sees it was destined to be  empty within itself and all to itself and a great desire spills forth  joy and laughter are born  I feel more than I can see  I can sense the light above me  I burst through  I am above the water.  ~ I find, that here in this space  time changes nothing  perfection in its fullness  needs no change  life here is panoramic breathless, orgasmic and mankind holds on  clinging to his soiled self  below the murky water 

Copyright © February 2012 Ellen K Lewis

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-03-07 19:10:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Ellen This is a nicely philosophical piece...zen-like, but with a Christian after-burn: "mankind...clinging to his soiled self". "I have met the enemy and he is Us." :-) Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 13:18:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Too many statements poetically unsupported by imagery. Redo since the potential to justify the effort is here. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 08:22:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, You obtained a notebook, and are now relieved of the burden of writing on ribbon? :) MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-18 14:03:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, I always hope to get some aspect of a piece correct. I will probably fail in this effort. That leaves me with only what I feel with respect to who I am while determining the fate of the piece. There is a partiality within me the dwells in the natural sublimity of philosophy. The usage of loneliness to specify where a soul is regards an upper reaching hope by its very existence. The difficulties conjured by the –vastness- of such a state, grants the inverse that much more power and revelation. I recall a –light- that one day after the darkness, illuminated all with just such a –panorama- in living. The lifting of the veil, if you will. I cannot slip by –breathless, orgasmic- and pretend there was a line that left me more open to interpretation. This points regard to love, friendship, and the transformation that wisdom in such provides. So on the comparison –mankind clinging to his soiled self below the murky water- I am forced to revisit S1L1 and look at the macro view of the piece. Apparently mankind has not –sensed the light- that came of the –joy and laughter- and –wisdom- Yet here is the author responding to such and by the syntax, wishing civilization would join the metamorphosis, the –murky water- notwithstanding. I always appreciate pieces that make me think deeper than the holler. I still think there are times I'd rather be a caveman.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-02-16 11:31:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Aha - I was fooled - Thank you so much for sharing this brilliant piece -there is nothing I would change in it -with the exception of your word choice in the last verse - to me there is no perfection - omitting this word would cleverly give more potential to make this a winner in Feb. blessings, Deni
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