This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-02-21 18:10:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Wondering can we have thoughts without words
is everything a rule of thumb
are we categorized, conceptualized
behind our eyes and nothing more
do we breathe any breaths of new
or is other's death my rebreath
to be reborn again and again
then passing from vessel to vessel
do ideas float and catch
hooked on a point in time
to revitalize in morning's air
yet lumped with passions spent
are we like a clump of weeds
filling crooks and crannies of need
or like a stone we roll to become
a bump or mountain to some
are we like the sun that passes
through the planet's skies
unspoken of by unseeing eyes
cause we never really have been
is heart's pound but the beat
on the door of the universe unfolding
and we're bits of raisins
in the loaf of bread
rising to expand
beyond it all
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Copyright © February 2012 Dellena Rovito
Additional Notes:
Mark inspired me with thought without words.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 13:08:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very good, my pretty. You need to step on Mark's tail more often. It takes richness of thought to make a
poem like this work and you show it in abundance. The last verse possesses an inspired simile. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-28 19:01:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a fun piece! I enjoy your wit and humor. The message underlying in it is also very deep.
do we breathe any breaths of new
or is other's death my rebreath
to be reborn again and again
then passing from vessel to vessel
....seems like you use the word breath too often. maybe use inhale or exhale. Or drawing air. I love the idea. Its a great thought.
do ideas float and catch
hooked on a point in time
to revitalize in morning's air
yet lumped with passions spent >>>curious about the words 'yet' and 'spent'. ..are you still thinking birth continuem? If they are revitalized are they spent? Forgive me for tearing that apart, only it stood out to me.
I love the last verse! You have taken serious questions and turned them inside out, to the end of the irony of it all. Our hearts beating on the door like we are knocking is a cool thought. I laughed and laughed about the raisins.
Maybe we are alot of dough, and we have to keep getting punched so we can rise. ~smiles~
Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 07:26:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Hislop will do that. Even sometimes with his poetry. :)
This was tightly wound and carried me seamlessly beginning to end.
For some reason I can't help thinking that raisins are kin to what kids call "boogers." Or is it "buggers"? We all know it as "snot."
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-22 03:56:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena
I thought I caught the reference!
But irrespective of that...this is a profound, philosophical piece. I caught myself thinking as I read this "The real question is...why do we give a SHIT about these questions??" Yet we do. Can you imagine a world we where didn't ask?
"cause we never really have been"...that really is the clincher. There is NO objective evidence that we actually exist, you know!
But truly, I really enjoyed this. I was caught and carried along from the first stanza.
Mark
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