This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-22 03:46:15 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Communion

The big bang whirls around you everywhere, it speaks with you— the background radiation that you are, that it is, cosmic debris walking upon two legs. We are  the background of the other end of time. And god created time and space. And you. And then I created you in my  image. I suffer—yes but now no longer  from you. Pain  is in life, as you are: you are one with life, coextensive, not a singularity  designed for me. And so therefore  in this knowledge I stand alone beside the utter myth  of communion. I recognise my error, and I return you to  the undifferentiated dust.
Copyright © February 2012 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2012-03-07 12:20:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
"...makes me leap to: From dust to undifferentiated dust" Love it. My only suggestion is that it might be stronger without "upon two legs" Good to see your work again, Best to you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-07 06:27:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Belief can have its own richness. And if you look beyond yourself long enough...at the things put together so you can be, perhaps some purpose you'll see. Maybe the dust will be less "undfferentiated". Maybe life will be more if you're not so grasping to avoid death (thinking that's all you have.) Ever think of it that way? JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-03-04 19:16:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, This is quite nice. It gives much room for thought. I first thought bible thumping, then myth came and then the dust. I believe in a supreme being but not in fairy tales. I question as we all do. love your works. dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-02-26 22:48:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello. Nice work! You had me with the first 2 verses. I was really into that background radiation and the cosmic debris. Awesome way you brought in the big bang. Theres a momentum going. We are the background of the other end of time. ~now thats a thought~ I'm not sure....the tempo changes as the mood becomes darker and then I can't help but ask myself if I am still in agreement. Its compelling and drives thought. I like the work. You've inspired me.~smile~Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-02-26 00:35:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Hi Mark, you have penned a profound poem and one I have read several times. The lines below really stand out for me. There is something so compelling about your words. We are the background of the other end of time. I recognise my error, and I return you to the undifferentiated dust. This is a perfect ending to this thoughtful poem. I feel the melancholy in every line that you hcave crafted with care. Well done. Best wishes cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-02-25 06:58:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH, The last two stanzas stand out for me in this, another cerebral, deep Hislop piece. MSS
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