This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2012-03-19 09:34:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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all fowl must die a dead bird
a wren, I do believe
lying on the ground
no life, no more moments
of flight, or of freedom
on the edge of a feather
a whisper of rustling wind
tries to blow its broken body
back up to the sky
there are no more
open horizons
or bountiful airs
for this broken bird
and all who are like it
as all who are free
all fowl must die
and never be permitted
again
the gift of flight
and clear passages
or the knowledge of freedom
all fowl must die
once the wind is realized
once the Grace of the currents
uplift wings to soar
no reach of the altitudes
can ever touch Heaven
unless Heaven allows
itself to be touched
a dead bird
lying on sparsely treaded ground
maybe not a wren
but a sparrow
it makes no difference
all fowl must die |
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Copyright © March 2012 Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-04-07 21:58:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
To be alit, if you will- of fowl or humanity, or heaven or the semblance of heaven-
that the unidentifiable responds as the identifiable is as much the mystery as it the resolve. Within your piece there is no real reference to resolve- which I presume makes all a foul. For it is in the resolve, I think that living and dying occurs.
The hawk or the hawkish- the fowl may die from one for goodness and another for the vanity of survival.
A very introspective piece. It leaves us with little else to do but hope in resolve.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-03-30 17:23:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard,
All of everything must die, and our freedom the same goes.
How sad to be had!
But you got it. Suffer all the innocent.
The poem isn't uplifting but it speaks truth.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-24 09:58:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Broken sentences are fine in poetry. Make them even more broken by not trying to string them into complete sentences merely separated by breaks. It is the indefinite that brings in the reader, and it is what the reader then searches from in meaning that builds even beyond a poet's intention. A living poem, an interactive poem, the elegant poem. Rewrite. I will be worth the effort. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-03-20 19:30:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, this is an interesting work! I am enjoying it as I try to reason it through. Your message is certainly loud and clear. You don't hesitate or falter in your deliverance.
on the edge of a feather
a whisper of rustling wind
tries to blow its broken body
back up to the sky
....I can see this in my minds eye. A colorful addition.
unless Heaven allows
itself to be touched.....awesome theory
it makes no difference...uh huh...maybe you are right!
BUT, I do have an inclination to think of freedom as a more attainable goal, than perhaps this author. I see 'fowl' as a game bird, one to be eaten (by anything and everything). Somehow, your song birds dont fit. (Especially the wren, since it is considered an endangered species here). I can't bear to see those innocents being terminated by 'fowl'.
Please dont be upset with me for this traversity. I think that your poetic prowess is obvious and your structure is sound. It just happens that your subject got my 'feathers ruffled'....lol....Thank you for sharing. I like to read something that gets me going.
~smiles to you~
Ellen
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