This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-03-20 16:08:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

My Spirit

If I dare to sail under an orange moon  and a lone Raven marks sea’s  poetic prose I won’t cry if grey whispers come too soon when shadows grip my pen, I must compose My spirit once endowed with mortal wings shall fly above the waves that bear my tears the shifty eyes of night and fear it brings have hid the heart of dawn too many years Despite the storm which beat the prow and mast I couldn’t help but breathe when my verse began to wander on the page by light at last. I’ll seek calm of tempest seas if I can The demands of my life may ebb and flow like oceans whose song lies between the chime When time and tides become too much I’ll know a watery grave awaits to claim my rhyme If ever I could set fire to the rain and always teach the sun and moon to mind I would take its drops to erase my pain forsake the sea and pray a love to find

Copyright © March 2012 cheyenne smyth

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-04-07 11:26:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
cheyenne, a wonderful view of self and composition, of courage and fear- darkness and light. Dare is a strong word- it incurs hesitancy and courage. I thought of the “Raven” always a harbinger reference; and harbingers are not only bad, but also good. Speaking that one must write from where one is –must- is the operative word, and in the writing births the hidden founts of dreams and fears. Often time they have hidden for a long time. How poignant, of tempests; both they that confine and also abet the desire. That the secretive creation comes forth, both in a philosophical term and the search for the redemptive power of love, makes this piece stand out. I pined that rhyme might meet its –watery grave- and yet the hope in the creation is to find the correct word and, should it come- the rhyme (mariners or not) to make the masterpiece. A well written verse.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2012-04-07 00:08:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, You have ability, and you have a voice, but it is too, too often buried in what used to be called prosody. Every now and then you step out . . . but it has to be always, and I don't see how you're trying to get there, and not even sure you recognize the need to. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-24 09:48:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
In aspect of the many perceptions of the spiritual fleeting. I don't care for the simile/metaphor, "heart of dawn". It is not in keeping with your more typically unified imagery. I would prefer something less cumbersome than, "...I could set fire to the rain", perhaps, would I inflame the rain. I'll make calm of tempest seas instead of "seek" since otherwise you would never find such calm unless you made it. You have the talent and if you used it in way that was underlined with a more emotional gathering purpose, all these images would find their own reality. It seems you write sometimes too much for frolic or exercise than inspired by your Muse. Go to a park where children play, see a brilliant play performed by striving actors, visit a museum filled with the excellence of those from a past so deep,yet still they reach out. Then see if the Muse doesn't come more often to nestle on your shoulder. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-03-20 17:18:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, Love the Poe rhythm.... It moves so wonderfully. Love the rhyme, love the words, love the thought, love your work! Despite the storm which beat the prow and mast I couldn’t help but breathe when my verse began [needs a 1 syllable revision] to wander on the page by light at last. I’ll seek calm of tempest seas if I can wonderful, wonderful and wonderful. Dellena
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!