This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2012-04-16 12:58:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Class Wars

Where did my country go?    the land of the free is now the land of the poor                                                        who've all fallen lower than the cellar floor                                                               and it feels like I'm fighting a worrying war.  Activist judges have ruled their gavels so gaudily jeweled. Now the cops can legally strip search me, for traffic violations and you dare call that free? Where has our country gone? it hasn't really been that damned long since we sang our Yankee Doodle song. Exactly when did right, turn into wrong? The middle class moved onto the endangered list as if merely lost in some mournful mist. The government's actions are like a clenched fist You'll see for yourselves when the cuff's on your wrists. There is federal and there is state and now a country chockfull of hate, racism is strong and absolutely alive we just camouflage it better, then allow it to thrive... Some of us would like our country back but our freedom has always been under attack by the rich and the greedy not those who so lack; the truth has been lost in life's traveling sack. Now they are trying to subvert our holy vote if the powerful few have their way, that'll be all she wrote. They'll deny the poor in this class war and the middle class will be no more...

Copyright © April 2012 Mark D. Kilburn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-04-29 14:55:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, The end times will be 99% poor and 1% super rich. The truth will finally show. We haven not been free for hundreds of years. The latest time by the Rothchilds 1930 something. Jordan Maxwell - You are property of the Rothschild family! [] Your right on with all you speak. Awareness people! Good job. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-04-17 16:03:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark, I enjoyed your poem very much, you've quite a bit to say and the dry humor is not lost--sort of tongue and cheek...I guess perhaps I should refer to it as satire. Might I make a few suggestions as how you can tighten this up and take it closer into the realm of poetry and fuurther from prose: Where did my country go? the land of the free is now the land of the poor (land of the free, now land of the poor) who've all fallen lower than the cellar floor (all fallen lower than the cellar floor) and it feels like I'm fighting a worrying war (feels like fighting a worrying war) Activist judges have ruled their gavels so gaudily jeweled (gavels so gaudily jeweled) Now the cops can legally strip search me (cops legally strip search me) for traffic violations and you dare call that free? (for traffic violations, you call that free?) Need to cut out some of those superfluous words and let your line breaks work for you instead of using punctuation... Of course this is just MHO and are merely suggestions to use or loose as you choose. Again, I like what you had to say and look forward to more of your work. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-17 11:51:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark I am quaking inside! These feelings are so strong and so real! I wish I knew more about you as the author, as it would give me 'your eyes'....I'm thinking I could apply this attitude towards many peoples, nations and individuals too. You could be an 'ordinary guy' or a prisoner. You could be talking about a specific race or class of people. I want to read it as if it applys to the author alone! don't take this wrong- but- I dont want to live in those shoes! The land of the poor, the damned, and the mournful. Verse 3 tells me that you are probably American, but not British or Native Indian. I can't personally believe that Yankee Doodle was right (lol). That seems like an irony there. our freedom has always been under attack by the rich and the greedy ...yes. If you are American you can verify these facts of history. You are right. We are who we have always been. and now they are trying to subvert our holy vote >> is this perhaps the driving force in this piece? I wish I knew what you are voting for! It seems like that line needs to push harder. Let this give the reader something to 'chew on', if you will..something to take with me as I finish reading. Your feelings are so strong they are scary!! I hope you get your vote in! ~smiles~ Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-04-16 22:41:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I couldn't agree with your sentiments more. Nor the peril we're in due to the treasonous monsters we've placed in power for so long (as if we had any choice other than that between a fox and a wolf.) A strong and very important message but made much stronger if done in free verse. However, you do get the point across, let's just hope you don't discover heroic couplet. Then you will become incurable. But please humor me and spend sometime with free verse just to see if you like it. When the message is powerful the contrivance to rhyme tends to make it less so to the modern ear. Like taking time to structure in cadence a warning scream. JCH
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